My Prayer

Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can't do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don't, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.


I read this in Crazy Love, in the chapter about "When You're in Love". This is my prayer. Let's just add too that God has amazing timing with things. He meets you where you are and always reveals answers to you when you're willing to pay attention.

I Wish to I Pray.

I wish I was more outgoing. I wish I was more articulate. I wish I was prettier. I wish I was smarter. I wish I was more confident. I wish I wasn't so hesitant sometimes. I wish I was different than I am.

The point of this isn't to have a self pity party or make it look like I have low self esteem, but to give credit to the reason that although I may wish all these things sometimes I know I don't need them. If you were to ask me a year ago what I would change about myself the list would be long and go on and on. Although this list does exist still to some extent I've realized it doesn't matter. I have truly realized that because I have Christ in my life and that he is the center of me, then nothing else matters. Yes. There's always room for change and improvement but too much of my life has been wasted wishing I was someone else. God made me who I am and we are his masterpieces and who am I to say that he made a mistake in how he made me. I mean I don't really want to insult the creator of the universe. :)
God is my identity and who defines me. My intelligence, personality and looks don't define me. It's so freeing knowing that God loves me. ME. Just the way I am. No matter how quiet I can be or how many times I stumble over my words or how many ugly days I have, He doesn't care. He can use me, even through my weaknesses which most of the time I see as flaws. It's a weight of my shoulder realizing I am who I am because God made me and he'll use me whether I think I have the right characteristics or not. So my wishes have changed into prayers that center around things that do matter...

I pray I'll be used in whatever way God intends. I pray I see people and love people the way Jesus does. I pray God breaks my heart for what breaks his. I pray that God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses. I pray God uses me to bring glory to HIM.

Having the wrong mind set.

I'm reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Which everyone needs to read. It is simple but what he says is something everyone needs to hear and really challenges you and your way of thinking.
He talks about in one chapter left overs and how we don't put importance on the things that matter. We get so caught up in worldly issues and worldly "stuff" we lose sight and don't even know what we really should consider important when we claim we follow Christ with our whole heart. There is one quote about failure that really hit me hard. If you were to ask me one of the biggest fears of my life I would probably say failing and now being good enough. I don't really know how that developed in my life or why I'm that way, but I always have been. I just have always wanted to be good at everything I do and don't want to do something if I can't be good at it. Obviously...this isn't the way God intended us to live. God says, "His power is made perfect in our weaknesses". So my prayer for the last year or so is that I would remember this truth and not be afraid about "not being good enough", it isn't the right mind set.

But the quote in this book I think applies to so many people and especially me,
"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."

When I read this it kinda rocked my world. I thought of all the wasted time and energy I've spent on my fear of failure and wanting to be good at all this stuff. What if instead of those fears and worries I would have been thinking about succeeding at what God has called me to and furthering his kingdom. I look at my life and see that I have succeeded at many things that don't matter.

Not gonna lie...one of my first thoughts when I read this was man...i'm a failure at following Christ. I guess old habits are hard to break. But my prayer is that I would lose sight of my fear of failure and being good enough and only think about the things that matter in this world and being Christ to those around me. My fear should be that I'll be succeeding at things that don't really matter and have no impact on God's Kingdom.

Wait on Me...

"Wait on Me. My timing is always perfect. I know you're anxious about many things and I see your passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as a vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so too am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don't run ahead of Me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you, and your dreams will wither away. Trust Me that My dreams for you are far greater than you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to Me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring you the sweetest of rewards."

Love,
Your King and Lord of perfect timings


Isaiah 40:31

Check out Jake's blog...

http://delvingalittledeeper.blogspot.com/

So I know I'm a little biased in thinking that I have a the coolest, most intelligent brother...but it is true. He continually seeks out truth daily and he is always teaching me things and helping me learn and figure out the issues of this world. His latest blog is especially good and talks about his thoughts after hearing Shane Claiborne. Check it out. :)

More...

There is always more.
Always more of God to love, always more of yourself to lay at His feet.
Always more to learn.
Always another way to praise Him. Always deeper understanding.
My prayer for you is that you never "master" being a follower of Jesus.
May you always have a soft heart, ready to be molded by Him.
May you always have something new to surrender to His loving care.
May you find yourself knowing Jesus more every new day.
May you be amazed as you become a more clear reflection of Him daily.
May your love for the Almighty God grow with each passing moment.
May you be dissatisfied with "the way things are" and seek change.
May you always seek more of Him.
May you live in the awareness that there is more..more than we can see, more than we can know, more than we can experience this side of heaven.

I found this again today and I was reminded of how good of a prayer it is and that it needs to be my prayer for myself and for others. I want these things to be true in my life. It is just such a good description of what I want my life to be and what I need to stay focused on in my life. I want to know Jesus more every day, I want to become a more clear reflection of Him daily, I want my love for Him to grow, all of thees things are what I want. So if you can be in prayer with me in this I would appreciate it! :)

Not sure how to say it...

I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. I'm angry and feel helpless. I don't think I've cried this much in my life. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the problems of this world that I don't know what to do or how to function. How can I live in my perfect comfortable American world when there is so much out there that isn't right?

Some days...I can't eat and I get consumed by the thoughts of those out there that don't have anything. I question in these times. Not that God isn't there and that it's his fault, but why we as a church haven't rose to the occasion and found a solution to help these people suffering, not only around the world but in our own neighborhoods. I know my ways aren't God's ways and he does have a plan. That's where I find hope and peace. Knowing that I serve a God whose heart breaks at the pain and suffering of this world. We serve a God that loves us and never leaves us. He is in the middle of the pain and suffering and cries with us.

But I don't know what to do...I don't have the words to say...I feel helpless...and I question...but God is good and it's in him I must put my trust. All I can do is my part in being part of the solution and praying for a solution. I pray that I wouldn't lose this "holy discontent". I don't ever want to become comfortable with what I have and the standards that the world gives us. I will change and help with a solution because that's all I can do. I pray that God would use my life not only to glorify him in all that I do, but to use me as his hands and feet to reach the unreachables and touch the untouchables so that they may know Jesus. I pray that he would ignite the passion in others and in His church so that social injustice won't happen any longer and that people would feel the freedom that comes with following Jesus.

When will this happen? I don't know...what can I do? Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck. I want so bad to hop on a plane back to Zambia...I miss it so bad it hurts. But I'm growing where I'm planted. I'm working on being Jesus' hands and feet where I'm at. I'm allowing God to shape me and stretch me through the turmoil and pain that I go through so that I may serve Him better. I don't want to forget or run away from the ugliness of our world because that's the easy thing for me to do but instead bring something beautiful to it...