A new year...

So…it is a new year and I’m excited, nervous, scared, anxious, and happy. I know there is a lot of new experiences out there waiting for me and I know this year is going to be a lot different then the last. I have a lot of hopes and expectations for the year and am worried they won’t be met. I sometimes feel like I’m not cut out for the position that I’m in and wonder if I will be good at it.

I want to make an impact on my girls. I want to be a welcoming person to them and be an example in Christ. I want them to be able to look at me and be like, I want what she has. And I want to do all of this as Christ as my motivation and nothing else. I can’t be motivated by the desire to be well liked or well known.

I need to keep Christ the center of everything I do and do what I do out of my desire to honor Him. I can’t do things simply because I will receive something in return, like recognition, but I must do things to bring glory and honor to his name. The question I must ask myself every day with every action is, who is this giving glory and recognition to? And what is my motivation behind this? Everything I do must be motivated by the desire to please God and then everything I receive extra is just a blessing. That needs to be my mind set.

I do have a passion to impact and encourage these girls and I admit that I do have a desire to be well liked. I can’t let this desire influence me in my role or impact my feelings for other people who I may feel like are having more of an impact. We all have our place and I may influence some more then others while others may influence some more than me. I want to be obedient to God’s voice and do what he wants me to do.

I want Christ to become more and more real in my life each and every day. I want his love to flow out of me from the inside out. I must decrease and he must increase. I want Him to be so evident in my life that it is noticeable. I want my speech to build people up and encourage others, and not full of gossip and negativity.

I want to be a lump of clay in God’s hands so that he can mold me into whatever he wants. I no longer want control. I have no idea what is best for me and what is going to happen in my life, God is the only one that knows that. So why would I want control?

I want what I want to be what God wants. I want to be so in line with him and his plan for me that I know I’m making the right decision and I’m able to discern what’s right and what’s wrong. No longer do I want my actions and personality to be motivated by whether or not people will like me, but instead motivated by my love for Jesus and desire to honor him.

So it is a new year. And yeah it is exciting, nerve racking and scary, but all those fears and anxious thoughts are pushed aside when I think about all God can do in me and through me this next year. I know there will be ups and downs, but God is faithful and he is with me every step of the way and with that reassurance, how can I worry?