Wednesday's may be becoming my favorite days. I've always hated Wednesdays because they are right in the middle of the week and just blah, nothing exciting happens and I'm always really tired. But these last few Wednesdays have been different. I have the opportunity to serve and it's starting to become my favorite part of the week. I've been doing Baby Girl's Club which I've talked about before and now for all the winter months I'm involved in a ministry called, Room At the Inn. On campus we bring in 6 homeless men and feed them dinner, give them a warm place to sleep, hang out with them, play games with them, and feed them breakfast and give them a sack lunch.
Tonight was my first time, but I plan on going each week as soon as I get back from Baby Girls.
I must admit that I don't always have the best attitude about serving and God is really working on me. There are so many times when I want to use the excuse that I'm too tired or they really don't need me when really those are all cop outs. I always go and love it and am the one that is blessed by the experience. I love all my baby girls so much and they have nestled their way into my heart and will always be special to me!
These men I met tonight are incredible. One man named Isaac used to be a pastor and it sure showed. i really have never met anyone as passionate as him or even as good at articulating his passion and desire to reach out. He probably told 10 sermons in the two hours I was with him. And I bet he was an incredible pastor and he was so kind and sweet!
These are amazing opportunities that I am a part of and I'm finding that serving others is something I love to do, even though I may not have the right attitude, me and God are working on that! :) But I feel like my heart breaks each time I hear the story of one of the men, or hear about a little girl's home life. I'm not sure what to do with the emotions and all I can do sometimes is pray.
I know that I have been blessed and sometimes I get angry that I have all this stuff and love, and have a roof over my head and sleep in a warm bed every night and more than I need when there are so many people out here who don't have any of that. I don't know what to do. But I do know one thing and it's kinda exciting. I know I have a passion for the underprivelaged. Whether it's the homeless, the poor, orphans or whoever, God has placed this burning passion in my heart and all I want to do is serve them and Him. My brother told me a quote that says, "Find the place where your greatest passions meet the world's deepest needs." I think I've found that place.
One way I'm trying to take action with this is I'm changing up my major a bit. I'm still music business, but my minor is social work and will hopefully change into a double major of music business and Community Development, which is a combination of social work and business so that your'e able to work for non-profit organizations and such. I'm not exactly sure yet how it will all work out, but I know it will. I just know that I have found my passion and my heart is breaking little by little and I want to do something to be the change I want to see in this world!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
Life's just a journey
Today was a great day. I've been struggling lately with just wanting to not be here and thinking God must have something more in store for me, however, my mind set has changed these last few days or so. I want to start living today and not wondering what might happen later. This is where God has me right now and this is where I need to be making the most of every opportunity I have. I hate that I lose sight of that and lose sight of the fact that God knows the plans for my life and I really need to stop worrying about them. So I know that I won't ever stop missing home and I won't ever stop wishing that all of us from high school could be together again. This is a new part of this journey called life and I need to make the most of it. I'm so thankful I have an amazing place to call home and incredible friends from high school that no matter how many miles or years go by we'll still be close. This is a new chapter in life and I want to embrace that for all it's worth and I don't know if I've been doing that. So I want to go into every day making the most of it and seizing each opportunity that comes my way. I want to glorify Christ in all I do and be Jesus with skin on to those around me.
Changing topics here...I'm in a book group for the book The Irresistable Revolution. It's an amazing book thus far and really changes your perspective on so many things and I think it you're heart is soft enough, it really calls you to action. So last night we were talking about how we are so annoyed and frustrated that we read about all the injustice and we don't do anything about it. We see and hear about all the homeless people and know that it's sad and we should do something but we don't. And I'm tired of driving down the road outside of our school and having my heart break over all that goes on and all the homeless people out there. I want to do something. So today, as small as it may be, some of us went downtown just to hang out with some of the homeless guys. We didn't bring them anything we just talked. We met a guy named Dave who pretty much told us his whole life story and there were many times I wanted to break down in tears because of all that he's gone through. One thing he said is how him and his friends although they live on the streets they are humans and so many people treat them like they aren't or that they deserve to be there and it's their fault, that is such a lie and not true. These people have real families, some have gone through more than we can imagine and have hurts and heart ache just like me and any other person. When talking to him I thought to myself, we are the ones that have this wrong and it sounds like him and his friends have it right a lot of the time.
While we were sitting there so many people walked by and gave us questionable glances or totally ignored all of us sitting there. They wouldn't look any of the men in the eye. I know its so easy to be scared, I mean I was at first, but I think just going and talking to them and letting them know there are people out there who cares showed them Jesus. I saw all these families walk by with their kids and iPods and cameras and I just don't know what to think. I don't want to become the average American family who becomes so absorbed in life and lost in my own world that I can walk past a group of homeless men and not even take a second glance, or think twice about it.
My heart and mind are kinda confused right now because I'm not sure what to think. I don't even know if what I wrote makes sense. I just know that God has called me not to be ordinary, but extraordinary. I know that my heart breaks when I walk or drive around the city and I wish I could change the world some how. I know Jesus hung out with the lowest of lows and the undesirable people. And I know that I want to be like Jesus, whatever that looks like. So I'm on the journey of trying to follow what he has in mind for me and live every second for Him.
Changing topics here...I'm in a book group for the book The Irresistable Revolution. It's an amazing book thus far and really changes your perspective on so many things and I think it you're heart is soft enough, it really calls you to action. So last night we were talking about how we are so annoyed and frustrated that we read about all the injustice and we don't do anything about it. We see and hear about all the homeless people and know that it's sad and we should do something but we don't. And I'm tired of driving down the road outside of our school and having my heart break over all that goes on and all the homeless people out there. I want to do something. So today, as small as it may be, some of us went downtown just to hang out with some of the homeless guys. We didn't bring them anything we just talked. We met a guy named Dave who pretty much told us his whole life story and there were many times I wanted to break down in tears because of all that he's gone through. One thing he said is how him and his friends although they live on the streets they are humans and so many people treat them like they aren't or that they deserve to be there and it's their fault, that is such a lie and not true. These people have real families, some have gone through more than we can imagine and have hurts and heart ache just like me and any other person. When talking to him I thought to myself, we are the ones that have this wrong and it sounds like him and his friends have it right a lot of the time.
While we were sitting there so many people walked by and gave us questionable glances or totally ignored all of us sitting there. They wouldn't look any of the men in the eye. I know its so easy to be scared, I mean I was at first, but I think just going and talking to them and letting them know there are people out there who cares showed them Jesus. I saw all these families walk by with their kids and iPods and cameras and I just don't know what to think. I don't want to become the average American family who becomes so absorbed in life and lost in my own world that I can walk past a group of homeless men and not even take a second glance, or think twice about it.
My heart and mind are kinda confused right now because I'm not sure what to think. I don't even know if what I wrote makes sense. I just know that God has called me not to be ordinary, but extraordinary. I know that my heart breaks when I walk or drive around the city and I wish I could change the world some how. I know Jesus hung out with the lowest of lows and the undesirable people. And I know that I want to be like Jesus, whatever that looks like. So I'm on the journey of trying to follow what he has in mind for me and live every second for Him.
Monday, November 5, 2007
This explains it well
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around you and whispered,
"Come live with me."
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer and saw you fading away;
we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating;
your hardworking hands put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.
God will love you and keep you until we meet somday.
This was on the back of my grandma's program thing from her memorial service. I don't know who wrote it but it describes exactly what happened with us and her. God sure does have someone great up there with him in heaven. I know she is having the time of her life and I can imagine her standing at the gates of heaven and every time someone comes in she says "Oh Jolly Welcome Home!" I can't even explain how much I'll miss her and how my house will never be the same again, but now my goal is to continue living and practicing all she taught me, like how to be a great hostess and love and accept everyone. Even though she isn't here I can continue living out her legacy as I know the rest of my family strives to do to. We lost an amazing woman in all of our lives but hopefully we'll make her proud by the lives we keep living even though she's gone.
so He put His arms around you and whispered,
"Come live with me."
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer and saw you fading away;
we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating;
your hardworking hands put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.
God will love you and keep you until we meet somday.
This was on the back of my grandma's program thing from her memorial service. I don't know who wrote it but it describes exactly what happened with us and her. God sure does have someone great up there with him in heaven. I know she is having the time of her life and I can imagine her standing at the gates of heaven and every time someone comes in she says "Oh Jolly Welcome Home!" I can't even explain how much I'll miss her and how my house will never be the same again, but now my goal is to continue living and practicing all she taught me, like how to be a great hostess and love and accept everyone. Even though she isn't here I can continue living out her legacy as I know the rest of my family strives to do to. We lost an amazing woman in all of our lives but hopefully we'll make her proud by the lives we keep living even though she's gone.
Monday, October 29, 2007
No more "Oh Jollys"
So most of you know, but my grandma passed away this weekend. It's hard and I really struggle with being down at school, but know that it's better for me to be here and be busy then at home just sitting. I am at peace and comforted by the fact that she no longer has trouble breathing, doesn't need help walking anywhere and gets to hang out with my grandpa and everyone else up there. I'm almost jealous somtimes. :)
I know she was ready because she had said it so much when she was here. She knew the Truth and knew that there was so much more waiting for her then what was offered here on this earth. I'm so glad and thankful that she knew that. But as comforting as that is it's still hard and I know I'll miss her tons.
I'll never forget her saying "Oh Jolly". That was all of our goals, we wanted to see who could get her to say "Oh Jolly". I'm not sure who ever got her to say it the most. :) And the countless games of Canasta and Hand and Foot. The first time she taught me to play it, I think I was 12 or 13 maybe and I beat her bad. I was so excited because it was my first time and I won but she really was the master at it. She always has the biggest stocking and the most presents as Christmas and when you said thanks for the presents, sometimes you had to remind her what she got you. :) And then there were her cats...don't mess with them. She loved them the most and as much as we all teased her about getting rid of them she stuck to her guns and always favored them over any thing else. And then there was taco bell. She could eat there every day if we let her. When my parents were gone and I was just with her, every night she wanted to go, and as much as I wanted to make her happy I couldn't take that much taco bell so she settled for only going a few times instead of every day! :)
I know it'll be hard for her to be gone. I'm not excited about going home and her not being there, but I just need to remind myself how much more fun she is having then she has had here. I'll always remember her and all the good times we have had. I loved living with her and sometimes feel like I took for granted the fact that I got to live with such a great lady that blessed me so much. It'll be hard times but I know me and the rest of my family are at peace with the fact that she's resting in Jesus' arms!
I know she was ready because she had said it so much when she was here. She knew the Truth and knew that there was so much more waiting for her then what was offered here on this earth. I'm so glad and thankful that she knew that. But as comforting as that is it's still hard and I know I'll miss her tons.
I'll never forget her saying "Oh Jolly". That was all of our goals, we wanted to see who could get her to say "Oh Jolly". I'm not sure who ever got her to say it the most. :) And the countless games of Canasta and Hand and Foot. The first time she taught me to play it, I think I was 12 or 13 maybe and I beat her bad. I was so excited because it was my first time and I won but she really was the master at it. She always has the biggest stocking and the most presents as Christmas and when you said thanks for the presents, sometimes you had to remind her what she got you. :) And then there were her cats...don't mess with them. She loved them the most and as much as we all teased her about getting rid of them she stuck to her guns and always favored them over any thing else. And then there was taco bell. She could eat there every day if we let her. When my parents were gone and I was just with her, every night she wanted to go, and as much as I wanted to make her happy I couldn't take that much taco bell so she settled for only going a few times instead of every day! :)
I know it'll be hard for her to be gone. I'm not excited about going home and her not being there, but I just need to remind myself how much more fun she is having then she has had here. I'll always remember her and all the good times we have had. I loved living with her and sometimes feel like I took for granted the fact that I got to live with such a great lady that blessed me so much. It'll be hard times but I know me and the rest of my family are at peace with the fact that she's resting in Jesus' arms!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Baby Girls Club
Every Wenesday I volunteer at a program called Baby Girls Club. My friend Jordan asked me to come with her and my first thought was, "I am not good with kids at all so I don' t think it would be a good idea" but wanting to be involved and stretch myself this year I decided to do it, and it has turned into what I look forward to the most each week.
Baby Girls Club is an after school program that Nicole C. Mullen started and runs each week. It is for underprivelaged girls to come and have a safe environment where they are fed, loved, and helped with homework. There also are some girls from the church that still have tons of fun, but aren't quite "at risk".
I was really hesitant to go the first week because I don't have much experience with kids and I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, but I'm so glad I went. Each week there is another girl to love on, another girl who needs help, and another girl who makes me laugh. I went into this having the mindset that I can be an example to these girls and be a blessing to them, when in reality they are the one's blessing me and teaching me so many things! It turns out that I'm really not bad with kids and I can deal wiht them, it just takes some practice and patience at times. :)
These little girls are amazing! I never knew I could learn so much from them and they could bring so much joy to my life. Although some of them ask me if I listen to "black people music" and get mad at me for not being able to pronounce their names (some of them have some obscure names!) but they always have a smile to share, a hand to hold, and love to give. It makes their day when I sit by them, tell them they have a pretty name, or that they're really smart at math. I love that I can make such a big difference in their life and they make one in mine even if they don't know it.
Today we were working on their calendars that they are making and we are on January and some of the girls found out my birthday was in January. One of the little girls said, "Ms. Abby will you write your birthday on here for me." And I responded, "Donnitta why do you want my birthday on there?" She looked at me like I was so weird and said, "Because you're my friend!!"
It just touched my heart so much and almost made me cry! :) She is so trusting and loving and called me her friend.
And then later on before we left we were praying for Nicole because her grandfather passed away and we said the girls could pray. All these 6-10 year olds praying out loud for comfort for Nicoles family and peace was so amazing. When an adult closed in prayer the little 8 year old girl sitting next to me poked me and said, "I didn't get to pray!" And she was so sad and sorry that she wasn't able to pray for Ms. Nicole. I told her it was okay and she could pray in her heart and Ms. Nicole would know her prayers were with her, she smiled and said ok!
These girls are such a blessing to my life and I don't know what I would do if I ever had to stop going to Baby Girl's Club. God is using all of these little girl's and this opportunity to stretch me and teach me many new things. Through every smile, laugh, hug, and even attitude at times, they bless my heart and make me love them and want to be involed in their life and show the love of Jesus to them!
Baby Girls Club is an after school program that Nicole C. Mullen started and runs each week. It is for underprivelaged girls to come and have a safe environment where they are fed, loved, and helped with homework. There also are some girls from the church that still have tons of fun, but aren't quite "at risk".
I was really hesitant to go the first week because I don't have much experience with kids and I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, but I'm so glad I went. Each week there is another girl to love on, another girl who needs help, and another girl who makes me laugh. I went into this having the mindset that I can be an example to these girls and be a blessing to them, when in reality they are the one's blessing me and teaching me so many things! It turns out that I'm really not bad with kids and I can deal wiht them, it just takes some practice and patience at times. :)
These little girls are amazing! I never knew I could learn so much from them and they could bring so much joy to my life. Although some of them ask me if I listen to "black people music" and get mad at me for not being able to pronounce their names (some of them have some obscure names!) but they always have a smile to share, a hand to hold, and love to give. It makes their day when I sit by them, tell them they have a pretty name, or that they're really smart at math. I love that I can make such a big difference in their life and they make one in mine even if they don't know it.
Today we were working on their calendars that they are making and we are on January and some of the girls found out my birthday was in January. One of the little girls said, "Ms. Abby will you write your birthday on here for me." And I responded, "Donnitta why do you want my birthday on there?" She looked at me like I was so weird and said, "Because you're my friend!!"
It just touched my heart so much and almost made me cry! :) She is so trusting and loving and called me her friend.
And then later on before we left we were praying for Nicole because her grandfather passed away and we said the girls could pray. All these 6-10 year olds praying out loud for comfort for Nicoles family and peace was so amazing. When an adult closed in prayer the little 8 year old girl sitting next to me poked me and said, "I didn't get to pray!" And she was so sad and sorry that she wasn't able to pray for Ms. Nicole. I told her it was okay and she could pray in her heart and Ms. Nicole would know her prayers were with her, she smiled and said ok!
These girls are such a blessing to my life and I don't know what I would do if I ever had to stop going to Baby Girl's Club. God is using all of these little girl's and this opportunity to stretch me and teach me many new things. Through every smile, laugh, hug, and even attitude at times, they bless my heart and make me love them and want to be involed in their life and show the love of Jesus to them!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
What's the Purpose?
So lately I have been thinking what is my purpose here? I guess it kinda goes along with trying to find guidance to all the questions that are swirling around in my head. My mom was here this weekend and she helped me figure some things out, as I knew she would. :) I know that God has placed me where I am for a reason, even though sometimes I don't know why. I know that he has called us to stretch ourselves and to be a light unto the world.
Anyway, I decided that this summer I am going to apply for Youth In Mission and go on a mission trip to Africa for two months. I'm still praying about it and not exaclty sure, but I'm going to put in my application and see what happens. You get to choose three spots you want to go and the people at Youth In Mission decide. So I may not end up in Africa, but that's okay with me. Wherever I end up I know I will be stretched and be able to fulfill my mission of telling others about Christ and making an impact.
Also, I'm keeping my major the same as of now, or at least until I know for sure that God is leading me somewhere else. To be honest I'm not sure where God is leading me at times and I don't know how to figure it out, but I know if I'm supposed to do something else it'll happen and that's alright with me. I just know that this is where my passion is and I am praying that God leads me in the direction that he wants me to go.
So anyway...there's all my random thoughts and what praying for guidance has brought me. Even though I don't always know where I'm going I think God places people in our lives, like my mom, who help us figure it out. I'm so thankful for that and I know that God has my life in his hands and nothing will go wrong if I continue to trust in Him.
Anyway, I decided that this summer I am going to apply for Youth In Mission and go on a mission trip to Africa for two months. I'm still praying about it and not exaclty sure, but I'm going to put in my application and see what happens. You get to choose three spots you want to go and the people at Youth In Mission decide. So I may not end up in Africa, but that's okay with me. Wherever I end up I know I will be stretched and be able to fulfill my mission of telling others about Christ and making an impact.
Also, I'm keeping my major the same as of now, or at least until I know for sure that God is leading me somewhere else. To be honest I'm not sure where God is leading me at times and I don't know how to figure it out, but I know if I'm supposed to do something else it'll happen and that's alright with me. I just know that this is where my passion is and I am praying that God leads me in the direction that he wants me to go.
So anyway...there's all my random thoughts and what praying for guidance has brought me. Even though I don't always know where I'm going I think God places people in our lives, like my mom, who help us figure it out. I'm so thankful for that and I know that God has my life in his hands and nothing will go wrong if I continue to trust in Him.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Praying for Guidance...
This last week or so has kind of been an up and down roller coaster at times. Not necessarily a bad one, but nevertheless I have had a lot on my mind and I'm confused as to whether or not these thoughts are my own or God trying to reveal something to me. One thing I've been thinking about is changing my major. I never wanted to be one of those people that change their major all the time or go through a crisis of what they want to do with their life, but that may be me here soon. I don't know why I have been thinking about it, but it has come up again and again. I'm just not sure if pursuing a job in the music industry is what GOd has for me. I really want to do something in my life and in my career that will make an impact for God's kingdom. And does being comfortable and being surrounded by Christians (if I end up in Christian music) stretching me and benefit the kingdom of God? Sometimes I don't even know if I can live this plush life in the U.S. and still fulfill God's mission. I know that might sound a little extreme, but right now all my thoughts are confused and I'm just trying to figure it all out! So...that's at the top of the priority list right now.
Another thing is my summer plans. I know that summer is far away and I shouldn't be worried about it, but some of the things I want to do, the deadlines are coming up. Today in chapel and man came and talked about Youth in Mission which is through the Nazarene church. There are so many places you can go and I think thats what I want to do with my summer...so I'll be praying a lot about guidance in that area.
Right now I'm just praying for guidance in every aspect and hoping God shows me where I'm supposed to be. And that He reveals to me the place where my passions meet the world's deepest needs...
Another thing is my summer plans. I know that summer is far away and I shouldn't be worried about it, but some of the things I want to do, the deadlines are coming up. Today in chapel and man came and talked about Youth in Mission which is through the Nazarene church. There are so many places you can go and I think thats what I want to do with my summer...so I'll be praying a lot about guidance in that area.
Right now I'm just praying for guidance in every aspect and hoping God shows me where I'm supposed to be. And that He reveals to me the place where my passions meet the world's deepest needs...
Sunday, September 23, 2007
More...
I was looking through some of my old stuff today and I found something that Mel Hayward wrote to all of the seniors when we graduated. At the time everything was a little crazy so I don't think I even fully read it, but I saved it anyway. When I found it today I really liked what she had to say and it is a great reminder that I should probably read and reread every day. So anyway here it is...
There is always more.
Always more of God to love, always more of yourself to lay at His feet.
Always more to learn.
Always another way to praise Him. Always deeper understanding.
My prayer for you is that you never "master" being a follower of Jesus.
May you always have a soft heart, ready to be molded by Him.
May you always have something new to surrender to His loving care.
May you find yourself knowing Jesus more every new day.
May you be amazed as you become a more clear reflection of Him daily.
May your love for the Almighty God grow with each passing moment.
May you be dissatisfied with "the way things are" and seek change.
May you always seek more of Him.
May you live in the awareness that there is more..more than we can see, more than we can know, more than we can experience this side of heaven.
That is my prayer for myself and for others. I want these things to be true in my life. It is just such a good desciption of what I want my life to be and what I need to stay focused on in my life. I want to know Jesus more every day, I want to become a more clear reflection of Him daily, I want my love for Him to grow, all of thees things are what I want. So if you can be in prayer with me in this I would appreciate it! :)
There is always more.
Always more of God to love, always more of yourself to lay at His feet.
Always more to learn.
Always another way to praise Him. Always deeper understanding.
My prayer for you is that you never "master" being a follower of Jesus.
May you always have a soft heart, ready to be molded by Him.
May you always have something new to surrender to His loving care.
May you find yourself knowing Jesus more every new day.
May you be amazed as you become a more clear reflection of Him daily.
May your love for the Almighty God grow with each passing moment.
May you be dissatisfied with "the way things are" and seek change.
May you always seek more of Him.
May you live in the awareness that there is more..more than we can see, more than we can know, more than we can experience this side of heaven.
That is my prayer for myself and for others. I want these things to be true in my life. It is just such a good desciption of what I want my life to be and what I need to stay focused on in my life. I want to know Jesus more every day, I want to become a more clear reflection of Him daily, I want my love for Him to grow, all of thees things are what I want. So if you can be in prayer with me in this I would appreciate it! :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Failing...
So as the year is starting and things are starting to come together and as I'm trying my hardest to prioritize my life and find a routine, it seems like this year is going to be one of stretching and God teaching me a lot of lessons. :) I know this should be a good thing and I know it will all turn out alright in the end, but when you're going through it, it is tough.
Something I have been struggling with lately is failing. Now failing is something I hate doing. I don't mean to sound conceited or big headed but it really isn't something I'm used to doing and at this moment I wish it came a lot easier to me. I just hate doing something unless I know I'm good at it. That's why I hate trying new things sometimes, because I might fail. Well in starting this new semester and new classes it looks like this classload is going to teach me many things about doing something that I'm not exactly good at. I'm struggling in some of my classes and it isn't something I'm used to and it's really stressing me out. I know grades shouldn't stress me out (that was for you mom) but to a certain point I can't help it. I don't like not being good at what I'm doing. I feel like failing at things is starting to become a pattern in my life.
So today when I was in the middle of chastizing myself for everything I wasn't doing good at, I decided to make a list of goals so I can at least have my priorities straight and make me feel better and then I realized "you know what it is not by my strength that I am going to be good at life, I have got to stop depending on myself and thinking that I am just going to sail through life." I know that I need to depend on God for strength because if I don't I will for sure fail at everything. I can't be a good RA or a good student if he is not the center of all that I do. So although I do hate this failing stuff I guess God is trying to teach me a lesson. My weaknesses are becoming known, but God will make me strong and that is my prayer. That he will be glorified even in my weaknesses. And that this lump of clay, will be shaped into what he wants and if that includes going through some failures, I guess that is what has to happen. :)
I'm trying to keep a good attitude and remind myself to depend on Christ instead of myself and not get discouraged by earthly things that don't entirely matter too much, like grades. So if you want to pray with me in that I would greatly appreciate it! It's just so hard for me to focus on the good when all I feel like I'm doing is not good enough.
Something I have been struggling with lately is failing. Now failing is something I hate doing. I don't mean to sound conceited or big headed but it really isn't something I'm used to doing and at this moment I wish it came a lot easier to me. I just hate doing something unless I know I'm good at it. That's why I hate trying new things sometimes, because I might fail. Well in starting this new semester and new classes it looks like this classload is going to teach me many things about doing something that I'm not exactly good at. I'm struggling in some of my classes and it isn't something I'm used to and it's really stressing me out. I know grades shouldn't stress me out (that was for you mom) but to a certain point I can't help it. I don't like not being good at what I'm doing. I feel like failing at things is starting to become a pattern in my life.
So today when I was in the middle of chastizing myself for everything I wasn't doing good at, I decided to make a list of goals so I can at least have my priorities straight and make me feel better and then I realized "you know what it is not by my strength that I am going to be good at life, I have got to stop depending on myself and thinking that I am just going to sail through life." I know that I need to depend on God for strength because if I don't I will for sure fail at everything. I can't be a good RA or a good student if he is not the center of all that I do. So although I do hate this failing stuff I guess God is trying to teach me a lesson. My weaknesses are becoming known, but God will make me strong and that is my prayer. That he will be glorified even in my weaknesses. And that this lump of clay, will be shaped into what he wants and if that includes going through some failures, I guess that is what has to happen. :)
I'm trying to keep a good attitude and remind myself to depend on Christ instead of myself and not get discouraged by earthly things that don't entirely matter too much, like grades. So if you want to pray with me in that I would greatly appreciate it! It's just so hard for me to focus on the good when all I feel like I'm doing is not good enough.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Who would have thought...
So today I was dreading my first homework assignment. Let me just tell you I was not prepared for classes to start at all! My mind is just not in it. It looks like Tuesday/Thursday classes will be fun and eventful and then Mon./Weds/Fri. classes will be boring and not fun at all! But we are just going to focus on the positive for now. So I was dreading my first homework assignment because it was to read 50 pages. However, when I started reading I was surprised to find out that the book I have to read is soooo good! So it's for my Business Communications class and its called "How to Win Friends and Influence People". In just the first 50 pages I have learned so much. Not only practical advice to my future career, but also lessons that can be applied to my every day life. The first part talked about how in today's society a common way to go about things is by critizing and condemning others. He had countless stories and examples about this and his main point was how much better your life and others will be if we stop focusing on critizing other people and be encouraging and build others up instead. Instead of condemning people and critizing them we should take a moment and stop and try our best to understand them. We have no right to speak ill of someone and instead of wasting our time and energy critizing someone we should be focusing on improving ourselves first. I know my time would be way better spent if instead of critizing others, whether out loud or to myself, if I would focus my time and energy on understanding them and putting myself in their shoes. I wish it wasn't so easy for us as humans to be so quick to judge or condemn others and I would like to say that it isn't something I do often, but I do it more then I would care to admit. It is so easy to look down on others and focus on their faults instead of our own. So anway...who would have thought that a class book could teach me so much in one night. There is a lot more good stuff in it and I would highly recommend it!
And on a random note...I talked to Jake today through Skype and it pretty much made my day!! He is doing well and is moved into his apartment and adjusting to Chinese life I guess you could say.
And on a random note...I talked to Jake today through Skype and it pretty much made my day!! He is doing well and is moved into his apartment and adjusting to Chinese life I guess you could say.
Monday, August 27, 2007
A new year...
So…it is a new year and I’m excited, nervous, scared, anxious, and happy. I know there is a lot of new experiences out there waiting for me and I know this year is going to be a lot different then the last. I have a lot of hopes and expectations for the year and am worried they won’t be met. I sometimes feel like I’m not cut out for the position that I’m in and wonder if I will be good at it.
I want to make an impact on my girls. I want to be a welcoming person to them and be an example in Christ. I want them to be able to look at me and be like, I want what she has. And I want to do all of this as Christ as my motivation and nothing else. I can’t be motivated by the desire to be well liked or well known.
I need to keep Christ the center of everything I do and do what I do out of my desire to honor Him. I can’t do things simply because I will receive something in return, like recognition, but I must do things to bring glory and honor to his name. The question I must ask myself every day with every action is, who is this giving glory and recognition to? And what is my motivation behind this? Everything I do must be motivated by the desire to please God and then everything I receive extra is just a blessing. That needs to be my mind set.
I do have a passion to impact and encourage these girls and I admit that I do have a desire to be well liked. I can’t let this desire influence me in my role or impact my feelings for other people who I may feel like are having more of an impact. We all have our place and I may influence some more then others while others may influence some more than me. I want to be obedient to God’s voice and do what he wants me to do.
I want Christ to become more and more real in my life each and every day. I want his love to flow out of me from the inside out. I must decrease and he must increase. I want Him to be so evident in my life that it is noticeable. I want my speech to build people up and encourage others, and not full of gossip and negativity.
I want to be a lump of clay in God’s hands so that he can mold me into whatever he wants. I no longer want control. I have no idea what is best for me and what is going to happen in my life, God is the only one that knows that. So why would I want control?
I want what I want to be what God wants. I want to be so in line with him and his plan for me that I know I’m making the right decision and I’m able to discern what’s right and what’s wrong. No longer do I want my actions and personality to be motivated by whether or not people will like me, but instead motivated by my love for Jesus and desire to honor him.
So it is a new year. And yeah it is exciting, nerve racking and scary, but all those fears and anxious thoughts are pushed aside when I think about all God can do in me and through me this next year. I know there will be ups and downs, but God is faithful and he is with me every step of the way and with that reassurance, how can I worry?
I want to make an impact on my girls. I want to be a welcoming person to them and be an example in Christ. I want them to be able to look at me and be like, I want what she has. And I want to do all of this as Christ as my motivation and nothing else. I can’t be motivated by the desire to be well liked or well known.
I need to keep Christ the center of everything I do and do what I do out of my desire to honor Him. I can’t do things simply because I will receive something in return, like recognition, but I must do things to bring glory and honor to his name. The question I must ask myself every day with every action is, who is this giving glory and recognition to? And what is my motivation behind this? Everything I do must be motivated by the desire to please God and then everything I receive extra is just a blessing. That needs to be my mind set.
I do have a passion to impact and encourage these girls and I admit that I do have a desire to be well liked. I can’t let this desire influence me in my role or impact my feelings for other people who I may feel like are having more of an impact. We all have our place and I may influence some more then others while others may influence some more than me. I want to be obedient to God’s voice and do what he wants me to do.
I want Christ to become more and more real in my life each and every day. I want his love to flow out of me from the inside out. I must decrease and he must increase. I want Him to be so evident in my life that it is noticeable. I want my speech to build people up and encourage others, and not full of gossip and negativity.
I want to be a lump of clay in God’s hands so that he can mold me into whatever he wants. I no longer want control. I have no idea what is best for me and what is going to happen in my life, God is the only one that knows that. So why would I want control?
I want what I want to be what God wants. I want to be so in line with him and his plan for me that I know I’m making the right decision and I’m able to discern what’s right and what’s wrong. No longer do I want my actions and personality to be motivated by whether or not people will like me, but instead motivated by my love for Jesus and desire to honor him.
So it is a new year. And yeah it is exciting, nerve racking and scary, but all those fears and anxious thoughts are pushed aside when I think about all God can do in me and through me this next year. I know there will be ups and downs, but God is faithful and he is with me every step of the way and with that reassurance, how can I worry?
Just a lump of clay
So this is my first blog. It seems to be the trend these days and ya know it's a place where you can just get your thoughts out and let others know what's going on in your life. I doubt anyone will read this, but who knows I don't really care. :) I just enjoy reading other people's so I wanted to start one. It might sound stupid but when I made it up I was like man I need to think of a cool title. I thought about this upcoming year and how my goal is to become more and more the person God wants me to be. I want to be molded into a woman after his own heart, hence the name of the blog, just a lump of clay. Because that is all I am. I am a lump of clay in God's hands. He can do whatever he wants with me and I want him to. I want him to mold me and shape me into what he wants me to become. He has control. So that's my new motto in life...I'm just a lump of clay. I don't have the control, but God does and by all means...that's quite all right with me! :)
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