No more "Oh Jollys"

So most of you know, but my grandma passed away this weekend. It's hard and I really struggle with being down at school, but know that it's better for me to be here and be busy then at home just sitting. I am at peace and comforted by the fact that she no longer has trouble breathing, doesn't need help walking anywhere and gets to hang out with my grandpa and everyone else up there. I'm almost jealous somtimes. :)
I know she was ready because she had said it so much when she was here. She knew the Truth and knew that there was so much more waiting for her then what was offered here on this earth. I'm so glad and thankful that she knew that. But as comforting as that is it's still hard and I know I'll miss her tons.
I'll never forget her saying "Oh Jolly". That was all of our goals, we wanted to see who could get her to say "Oh Jolly". I'm not sure who ever got her to say it the most. :) And the countless games of Canasta and Hand and Foot. The first time she taught me to play it, I think I was 12 or 13 maybe and I beat her bad. I was so excited because it was my first time and I won but she really was the master at it. She always has the biggest stocking and the most presents as Christmas and when you said thanks for the presents, sometimes you had to remind her what she got you. :) And then there were her cats...don't mess with them. She loved them the most and as much as we all teased her about getting rid of them she stuck to her guns and always favored them over any thing else. And then there was taco bell. She could eat there every day if we let her. When my parents were gone and I was just with her, every night she wanted to go, and as much as I wanted to make her happy I couldn't take that much taco bell so she settled for only going a few times instead of every day! :)
I know it'll be hard for her to be gone. I'm not excited about going home and her not being there, but I just need to remind myself how much more fun she is having then she has had here. I'll always remember her and all the good times we have had. I loved living with her and sometimes feel like I took for granted the fact that I got to live with such a great lady that blessed me so much. It'll be hard times but I know me and the rest of my family are at peace with the fact that she's resting in Jesus' arms!

Baby Girls Club

Every Wenesday I volunteer at a program called Baby Girls Club. My friend Jordan asked me to come with her and my first thought was, "I am not good with kids at all so I don' t think it would be a good idea" but wanting to be involved and stretch myself this year I decided to do it, and it has turned into what I look forward to the most each week.
Baby Girls Club is an after school program that Nicole C. Mullen started and runs each week. It is for underprivelaged girls to come and have a safe environment where they are fed, loved, and helped with homework. There also are some girls from the church that still have tons of fun, but aren't quite "at risk".
I was really hesitant to go the first week because I don't have much experience with kids and I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, but I'm so glad I went. Each week there is another girl to love on, another girl who needs help, and another girl who makes me laugh. I went into this having the mindset that I can be an example to these girls and be a blessing to them, when in reality they are the one's blessing me and teaching me so many things! It turns out that I'm really not bad with kids and I can deal wiht them, it just takes some practice and patience at times. :)
These little girls are amazing! I never knew I could learn so much from them and they could bring so much joy to my life. Although some of them ask me if I listen to "black people music" and get mad at me for not being able to pronounce their names (some of them have some obscure names!) but they always have a smile to share, a hand to hold, and love to give. It makes their day when I sit by them, tell them they have a pretty name, or that they're really smart at math. I love that I can make such a big difference in their life and they make one in mine even if they don't know it.
Today we were working on their calendars that they are making and we are on January and some of the girls found out my birthday was in January. One of the little girls said, "Ms. Abby will you write your birthday on here for me." And I responded, "Donnitta why do you want my birthday on there?" She looked at me like I was so weird and said, "Because you're my friend!!"
It just touched my heart so much and almost made me cry! :) She is so trusting and loving and called me her friend.
And then later on before we left we were praying for Nicole because her grandfather passed away and we said the girls could pray. All these 6-10 year olds praying out loud for comfort for Nicoles family and peace was so amazing. When an adult closed in prayer the little 8 year old girl sitting next to me poked me and said, "I didn't get to pray!" And she was so sad and sorry that she wasn't able to pray for Ms. Nicole. I told her it was okay and she could pray in her heart and Ms. Nicole would know her prayers were with her, she smiled and said ok!
These girls are such a blessing to my life and I don't know what I would do if I ever had to stop going to Baby Girl's Club. God is using all of these little girl's and this opportunity to stretch me and teach me many new things. Through every smile, laugh, hug, and even attitude at times, they bless my heart and make me love them and want to be involed in their life and show the love of Jesus to them!

What's the Purpose?

So lately I have been thinking what is my purpose here? I guess it kinda goes along with trying to find guidance to all the questions that are swirling around in my head. My mom was here this weekend and she helped me figure some things out, as I knew she would. :) I know that God has placed me where I am for a reason, even though sometimes I don't know why. I know that he has called us to stretch ourselves and to be a light unto the world.
Anyway, I decided that this summer I am going to apply for Youth In Mission and go on a mission trip to Africa for two months. I'm still praying about it and not exaclty sure, but I'm going to put in my application and see what happens. You get to choose three spots you want to go and the people at Youth In Mission decide. So I may not end up in Africa, but that's okay with me. Wherever I end up I know I will be stretched and be able to fulfill my mission of telling others about Christ and making an impact.
Also, I'm keeping my major the same as of now, or at least until I know for sure that God is leading me somewhere else. To be honest I'm not sure where God is leading me at times and I don't know how to figure it out, but I know if I'm supposed to do something else it'll happen and that's alright with me. I just know that this is where my passion is and I am praying that God leads me in the direction that he wants me to go.
So anyway...there's all my random thoughts and what praying for guidance has brought me. Even though I don't always know where I'm going I think God places people in our lives, like my mom, who help us figure it out. I'm so thankful for that and I know that God has my life in his hands and nothing will go wrong if I continue to trust in Him.

Praying for Guidance...

This last week or so has kind of been an up and down roller coaster at times. Not necessarily a bad one, but nevertheless I have had a lot on my mind and I'm confused as to whether or not these thoughts are my own or God trying to reveal something to me. One thing I've been thinking about is changing my major. I never wanted to be one of those people that change their major all the time or go through a crisis of what they want to do with their life, but that may be me here soon. I don't know why I have been thinking about it, but it has come up again and again. I'm just not sure if pursuing a job in the music industry is what GOd has for me. I really want to do something in my life and in my career that will make an impact for God's kingdom. And does being comfortable and being surrounded by Christians (if I end up in Christian music) stretching me and benefit the kingdom of God? Sometimes I don't even know if I can live this plush life in the U.S. and still fulfill God's mission. I know that might sound a little extreme, but right now all my thoughts are confused and I'm just trying to figure it all out! So...that's at the top of the priority list right now.
Another thing is my summer plans. I know that summer is far away and I shouldn't be worried about it, but some of the things I want to do, the deadlines are coming up. Today in chapel and man came and talked about Youth in Mission which is through the Nazarene church. There are so many places you can go and I think thats what I want to do with my summer...so I'll be praying a lot about guidance in that area.
Right now I'm just praying for guidance in every aspect and hoping God shows me where I'm supposed to be. And that He reveals to me the place where my passions meet the world's deepest needs...