I like not being afraid.

I've been reading Romans 8 almost every day for the last month or so. The church I've been going to has been studying it for the last few weeks and I'm loving it. It's amazing to me that you can read one chapter of a book and get so much out of it every time. One part that sticks out to me each time is where it says:

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, 

but you received the Spirit of sonship."

It says so many times in Scripture, "Do not be afraid" or "Fear not" (I tried to look up how many times it says it, but I can't find an answer...) how come we don't listen? I am so fearful of so many things...but that's not how Christ has meant for us to live. If we truly realized that we are sons and daugthers of a King and how powerful we are because of Christ living inside of us how would our lives be different? How would our prayers be different? How would our conversations be different?

I'm learning not to be afraid and it's freeing. I'm learning how much power there is in the Holy Spirit. I'm learning how confident I can be in Christ because he tells me not to be afraid. It's a process, but I'm learning and believe me life is better when you're not afraid!

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" - Ghandi

I've been thinking a lot lately about the way Christ lived. Nothing he did was normal. Nothing he did "fit in" or was the cool and trendy thing to do. And why do we as Christians who proclaim to worship Jesus and say we're followers of Christ look nothing like him? It's a convicting statement if you really think about it. Part of this vent is stemming from the constant questioning about my life and career choice and when the next chance I'll have to be promoted or when people say, "Wait...how much do you make?" or "Abby, why do you think that's important, that's just the way it's meant to be"?? Jesus didn't do everything that was popular and quite honestly his life and actions were pretty much always counter cultural and backwards.

This hit me again today at church when we were singing In Christ Alone and the line says, "Here in the death of Christ...I Live", that doesn't make sense...because Christ died I live, but that just seems to be the way He works. And it made me remember this passage from the book Compassion:
"Thus we are deeply disturbed by a God who emobodies a downward movement. Instead of striving for a higher position, more power, and more influence, Jesus moves, as Karl Barth says, from the "heights to the depth, from victory to defeat, from riches to poverty, from triumph to suffering, from life to death" Jesus' whole life and mission involve accepting powerlessness and revealing in this powerlessness the limitlessness of God's love."

So let's move from being people who admire and worship this Christ we claim to follow, but look nothing like him and become people who look like this Christ we love so that through us His Glory can be revealed and his Kingdom can come on earth as it is in Heaven. Please.

I like who I am.

I like who I am. I'm honestly not sure if I've ever been able to say that before. As difficult and weird this time of my life has been I've realized it's been formative to seeing myself clearer and realizing I can be confident in who I am and who I was created to be.

That's it. A simple but freeing truth.

I like my life.

So I've decided I like my life. If you would have asked me that a week ago I probably wouldn't have said the same thing, but I think I'm moving past the transition time and finally feeling more settled. Last week I really struggled with being out of school, having a different schedule, just going to work and coming home, not sure where to spend my free time, and feeling lonely.

I don't have all this figured out necessarily, but I have it figured out more I guess you could say. It is just a time of change and transition and I'm trying to look at the positive side of it. I'm embracing the solitude and am starting to enjoy the time I have to myself. I just started reading Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen (great recommendation Jake!) and he addresses the issue of solitude and isolation which has been really helpful. Those are my two biggest issues in this whole transition time, but I'm starting to see how this can be a good.

Anyway, not sure if all that made sense, but I feel like I'm finally in a good place to post a blog that wouldn't sound like a pity party. I'm happy with my life right now. I love my job, I love where I live, I'm seeing old friends and making new ones, I'm going to a new church, and learning more about who I am each day. So yes...I like my life.

Change.

Change. Do I love it or do I hate it? Ya know...I'm not really sure. I almost think I can label how I feel about change a love hate relationship. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it and a lot of times I've been resistant to it. Although, I can't deny every time a change does occur in my life it's always a growing and shaping experience, which is in the end whether I loved it or hated it, good.

A lot of change has happened in my life lately:
1. I'm no longer a college student.
2. I have a full time job.
3. I have bills due every month.
4. Going home felt more like I was just visiting.
5. Nashville truly has become my home away from home.
6. New friendships and people are entering my life.
Just to name a few...

All these things have been difficult and a weird transition at times and I'm still getting used to it but there's always an upside to change and somethings that remain the same, which is why I'm choosing to look at the positive side of things and to no longer be resistant to change:

1. I'll still miss college life and the schedule but every season needs to come to an end and I can choose to look at the good times to come.
2. I love love love my full time job and am so blessed to have it.
3. Umm...still working on the positive side of this...maybe teaching me responsibility?
4. Home will always be home.
5. Weird that I can finally say this (this just shows the power of God! haha) but at the same time so thankful I'm able to live and serve in a place that I've come to love.
6. I love new friends, but I'm also so thankful for my faithful friends that have been there through all the change.

:)

Insecure.

I'll admit it, I'm insecure sometimes...or a lot of the time. I'm also terrified of failing and I've realized those two things seem to go along great in my life. I've always seemed to lack the confidence everyone has always told me I should have.

I've been struggling with this insecurity and confidence a lot lately because I've been scared at failing at my current job and all I want to do is be good at it and for everything to go great. It has been pointed out to me over and over again by others, things I've been reading, and even Church this morning that I just need to be confident. I have the skills needed to do well in life and I have the passion for this job so I am fully capable and most importantly I have the power of Christ in my life.

I've been realizing lately my potential and I'm slowly but surely finding my confidence through Christ. I've been spending more time in the quiet of God's presence and immersing my mornings in scripture and it's amazing how much of a difference that makes. I've also been reminded that God doesn't use perfect people. If he had perfect people to work with then where would His glory shine through?

My prayer is that more and more each day I would realize God can work through my weaknesses and He can shine through my inadequacies and failures. I need to trust more. I need to realize I am a daughter of the King and Creator of the Universe and I have him in me. When I think on those things how can my confidence not soar?

An Update on My Life

Well it's been awhile since I've blogged...I've sat down a few times to write and just nothing would come out. But I thought an update on my life would be easy to write, for those of you who I haven't had a chance to share with!

A bit of a disclaimer...if you were to tell me a year ago that I would be in the place where I am right now I would not have believed you. It is just a testament to how God works and how when you ask Him for something he always shows up...maybe not in the way you would ever expect but of course it's always the best.

I was a little stressed at the beginning of this year about what I was going to do when I graduated. I started researching different volunteer programs and opportunities in other cities and countries, but then I attended the CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) conference in October. This was where my eyes were opened to what Community Development was really about and God started revealing to me that my heart was truly for community development in the city and He was going to use me there. There my search narrowed down to city work. Well who would have thought my job with the social work department would have led me to hearing about Harvest Hands Community Development here in Nashville, which is located right next to Trevecca in a lower income neighborhood.

I asked if I could intern with them this semester and they said yes. Harvest Hands does a lot of different things, but a main focus is their after school program for kids and youth and their mentoring program for youth. They also have businesses where the girls make soap and the boys coffee. Here is more info at www.harvesthandscdc.com. We also have a community lunch once a week and are starting to get into affordable housing. I love building these relationships and I'm especially loving being involved in the WOW! mentoring program!

My time there has been incredible and such a blessing. I feel very honored to be working with the people there and they have already taught me so much and allowed me to experience doing really my "dream job" working in Community Development. I've been hired as their head intern for their summer program they do for the kids so it looks like I'll be staying in Nashville! I have a lot of work and planning ahead of me but I'm very excited about it! I love being at Harvest Hands. I'll more than likely be signing a year lease here in Nashville in July hopefully in the neighborhood where Harvest Hands is so I'm here for awhile...which was the last thing I ever thought would happen.

I'm not sure what's to come in August when the summer program at Harvest Hands is done, but I'm not worrying about it...I've done enough of that. God knows what's going to happen and I'm just going to trust Him with those plans. Thanks all for your prayers for me and this journey I'm on!