Wait on Me...

"Wait on Me. My timing is always perfect. I know you're anxious about many things and I see your passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as a vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so too am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don't run ahead of Me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you, and your dreams will wither away. Trust Me that My dreams for you are far greater than you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to Me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring you the sweetest of rewards."

Love,
Your King and Lord of perfect timings


Isaiah 40:31

Check out Jake's blog...

http://delvingalittledeeper.blogspot.com/

So I know I'm a little biased in thinking that I have a the coolest, most intelligent brother...but it is true. He continually seeks out truth daily and he is always teaching me things and helping me learn and figure out the issues of this world. His latest blog is especially good and talks about his thoughts after hearing Shane Claiborne. Check it out. :)

More...

There is always more.
Always more of God to love, always more of yourself to lay at His feet.
Always more to learn.
Always another way to praise Him. Always deeper understanding.
My prayer for you is that you never "master" being a follower of Jesus.
May you always have a soft heart, ready to be molded by Him.
May you always have something new to surrender to His loving care.
May you find yourself knowing Jesus more every new day.
May you be amazed as you become a more clear reflection of Him daily.
May your love for the Almighty God grow with each passing moment.
May you be dissatisfied with "the way things are" and seek change.
May you always seek more of Him.
May you live in the awareness that there is more..more than we can see, more than we can know, more than we can experience this side of heaven.

I found this again today and I was reminded of how good of a prayer it is and that it needs to be my prayer for myself and for others. I want these things to be true in my life. It is just such a good description of what I want my life to be and what I need to stay focused on in my life. I want to know Jesus more every day, I want to become a more clear reflection of Him daily, I want my love for Him to grow, all of thees things are what I want. So if you can be in prayer with me in this I would appreciate it! :)

Not sure how to say it...

I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. I'm angry and feel helpless. I don't think I've cried this much in my life. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the problems of this world that I don't know what to do or how to function. How can I live in my perfect comfortable American world when there is so much out there that isn't right?

Some days...I can't eat and I get consumed by the thoughts of those out there that don't have anything. I question in these times. Not that God isn't there and that it's his fault, but why we as a church haven't rose to the occasion and found a solution to help these people suffering, not only around the world but in our own neighborhoods. I know my ways aren't God's ways and he does have a plan. That's where I find hope and peace. Knowing that I serve a God whose heart breaks at the pain and suffering of this world. We serve a God that loves us and never leaves us. He is in the middle of the pain and suffering and cries with us.

But I don't know what to do...I don't have the words to say...I feel helpless...and I question...but God is good and it's in him I must put my trust. All I can do is my part in being part of the solution and praying for a solution. I pray that I wouldn't lose this "holy discontent". I don't ever want to become comfortable with what I have and the standards that the world gives us. I will change and help with a solution because that's all I can do. I pray that God would use my life not only to glorify him in all that I do, but to use me as his hands and feet to reach the unreachables and touch the untouchables so that they may know Jesus. I pray that he would ignite the passion in others and in His church so that social injustice won't happen any longer and that people would feel the freedom that comes with following Jesus.

When will this happen? I don't know...what can I do? Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck. I want so bad to hop on a plane back to Zambia...I miss it so bad it hurts. But I'm growing where I'm planted. I'm working on being Jesus' hands and feet where I'm at. I'm allowing God to shape me and stretch me through the turmoil and pain that I go through so that I may serve Him better. I don't want to forget or run away from the ugliness of our world because that's the easy thing for me to do but instead bring something beautiful to it...

The Power of Prayer

I have really been learning about the power of prayer. It seems like it should be so basic and something everyone just knows but I don't think I've ever truly believed or realized the power of prayer. God has been teaching me this starting this summer and continually every day. One verse we referred to often this summer was in Ephesians and talks about how God can do immeasurable more than we ask or imagine and the verse that talks about how nothing is impossible with God. Do we really believe that and do we pray like we believe it? Those are things that I knew but never prayed like I did. But now I do. There are so many people in my life that I pray for. Even if they think they need it or not or even if they know I do or not...it doesn't matter, because God hears me and he's always working. There are still certain friends and people that my heart breaks for and that I've been praying for for years, but a new urgency has come because I now truly throughout my core believe that prayer is powerful and that God can do immeasurable more than we ask or imagine and that I need to pray continually. So even if I think its impossible...it's not for God.
Just a few people that I love and pray for...

He knows the plans...

It's so easy to become impatient. Not only in my own life but hearing others talk about theirs and wanting an answer to come to them also. Sometimes I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I am learning to trust in God's timing and plans. He knows the plans he has for me and my life and I need to find rest in that fact.

I know God knows where my life is going and that is so freeing to me. The God of the universe has a plan for ME, wow. When I read things in the Bible about how we're precious in His sight and how he loves us and will never leave us, sometimes I can't believe that the creator of the world and Savior of the Universe finds me precious. It blows my mind sometimes and I'm amazed at God's grace.

I'm so glad I serve a patient and understanding God. I've struggled with being in school after this summer and wanting to just drop out and move to Africa to serve in the mission field. Not a day goes by that I don't remember and see the smiles of those little kids or the tears of the overwhelmed mothers or hear the overpowering sound of their songs in church. But I know I'm here at school for a reason and there is a season in your life for everything. Going to Zambia changed me and just reaffirmed my call and passion to serve those that are in need and need to know they have a Savior that loves them and calls them His children.

So sometimes I get impatient and do want to just drop out and move to Zambia, but I'm here. As my mom tells me, I need to grow where I have been planted. :) And that's what I wake up every morning reminding myself to do. I am in Nashville not Zambia, but there are still countless ways I can be serve, whether its at Baby Girl's Club, Room In the Inn, hanging out with girls on my floor, or loving those around me, God can and will use me where I'm at and that's something I can't lose sight of.

Praise God that he is patient with me and listens to my crazy ideas and dreams I have for my life. Praise God that he reminds me daily of ways I can love on others around me. Praise God for giving me life and giving me the opportunities that I have to serve. Praise God that he knows the plans he has for me and there's no need for me to be anxious.

A heavy heart.

I just got back from Baby Girl's Club (BGC) and my heart is heavy and broken. I'm beginning to regret praying a prayer that I've said since before I left for Zambia. I've prayed that God would break my heart with the things that break His and that I would have the eyes of Jesus to see others they way he sees us. I'm regretting it...

I'm the leader of the eight and nine year olds at BGC and today we were doing prayer requests. These aren't the requests I'm used to. A little girl asked for prayer for her dad who is in jail, another whose uncle is "on the run", and another whose sister's baby might be taken away. They started talking about the custody of the baby when another little girl said oh that's what I was...a "custody baby". Little girls shouldn't have prayer requests like this, but they do and it's their life.

My heart breaks when an eleven year old girl tells us she's afraid and hates going home. Her dad just got put in jail and her mom married a drug dealer and they do drugs in the house. What kind of life is that?

How much easier would it be to block all these things out and not care? But I have prayed that prayer and it's coming true. My heart is breaking and breaking and breaking. I can't imagine what God goes through seeing his children going through what they go through. These little girls don't deserve the life they have.

I want to do something for them, but all I can do is love them. I have the chance for three hours a week to show them Jesus and give them the love they deserve, even if it's disciplining them (I had to break up a fight today!) or hugging them they deserve every ounce of what I have to offer. It isn't much but I pray that God can use me and the other BGC volunteers in their life to show them that people do care and are here for them. So if you think about it...send up a prayer for a baby girl and that God would break your heart with what breaks his. It hurts, but is worth it because it allows you to love that much more!

The Haves and the Have Nots

"Of the 6.4 billion people on the planet, about 1.2 billion are so poor they live on less than a dollar a day."

"In the world today there are about 160 billionaires and about 2 million millionaires, but there are approximately 100 million homeless people."

"Americans spend about $5 billion per year on diets to lower their caloric intake, while 400 million people around the world are undernourished to the point of physical deterioration."

These statements make me want to throw up and cry. They make me want to scream and question. They make me want to do something. These statements come from a book from my Social Problems class. Poverty...a social problem.

Why do so many people have, while so many people have nothing? What are we doing about it? How can we make those that are the "have nots" become those that have something. Something more than the one dollar a day they live off of.

When I read these statements faces come to mind. These aren't just statistics...they are people, families, single mothers, homeless men and little girls. As a wise person in my life says I'm facing statistics that have faces. Not only through the children in the streets and villages this summer, but driving on the road outside my own school and seeing the housing projects, working with Room In the Inn and hearing homeless men's stories, and going to Baby Girl's Club and experiencing the lives of these precious little girls.

Why do some people have and some have not? I really don't know the right answer to that, but I do know that because I "have", a responsibility comes with that. "To whom much is given much is required". Some people say we are blessed...yes maybe we are but what about those in poverty, are they not blessed? Maybe instead of just blessed we're privileged. We're privileged to have what we have and we need to be good stewards of that. Not only good stewards of our money because we really may not have an excess of that, but with our time. I've committed my life to being a good steward of my time, my money and my life. I can't stay in my comfortable so called blessed life while there are people in this world with nothing...I have to make a difference and I pray that God uses me in any way possible to accomplish that. :)

The Journey of Life

Wow, a lot has happened in this last month or so. It's hard to believe that a month and a half ago I was in Zambia and experiencing the best summer of my life. It wasn't easy coming back home and back to school. I can for sure feel Satan working away at me and trying to find every way possible to make me forget what I learned and experienced this summer. I'm not gonna lie he has been doing a pretty good job. These last few weeks I think I have been letting him win and have been drowned in the temptation to think about all that was and all that happened and forget all that is and can be.
I am in this place for a purpose. I went to Zambia for a purpose and now I'm here for a purpose. Although I did have an amazing summer and as life changing as it was, I can't get stuck in that. As cliche as this may sound, life is a journey and it keeps going. I don't want to be left behind thinking of where maybe "I wish I was" but make the most of where I am.

I have so many great opportunities here at school to serve and to grow. Even though I'm not in a foreign country and pushed out of my comfort zone every single day, growth and service can still happen. I pray that God will continue to ignite that passion in my heart and not let me forget my purpose here on this earth.
I want to spend every single day loving to my best ability and serving. The girls on my floor are one way I'm so excited to serve! They are all so incredible and I already love them and can't wait to see what the year has to bring! Just being there for them makes my day worth it. And Baby Girl's Club is a passion that comes alive every time I see those little girls faces and I just want to love on them more and more every time I see them.

Life wasn't meant to be easy. Your situations and experiences change around you continually, but God doesn't. He is the same God as he was yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. That's why it's so comforting to know that my identity is in Him and not any other person, place or "experience" and that we have a consistent God.

So...yeah I may not be in Zambia anymore and yes it was an amazing and life changing experience but it happened and has shaped me but I need to keep on this journey of life. I need to be willing to be used by God wherever I may be and look for new opportunities to serve and be used.

Community

Community may be a small word and maybe even an over used words at time but I've really realized this past summer how important community is. I love community. I love being around people. I love having others around you that love and support you and you can go to at any time and you know they'll love you no matter what is going on. I also love engaging in a new community like I did this summer and going to Zambia with three random strangers that I met one day and lived with for the next 8 weeks. We became just like a family and were more honest and open with each other than I have been with anyone. We were authentic and real with each other and vulnerable and through all that we became so close and God used each of us in each other's lives.

God created us to be in community. Not just with each other, but with him too. This summer I have learned how important it is to be in "community" with God. Out of the extended time we spend with our Savior overflows love and lessons in how to be in community with others. We were created to be relational and to be in community.

I love that my major is community development. I have been thinking about that more lately and how just that title really encompasses what I'm about and what I love.
How I love building relationships with people and yeah I may not be the most outgoing person, but I love getting to know people and loving on others. And I want to develop community for those who don't know what they're missing out on, whether its a Zambian child being held for the first time, paying attention to and having a conversation with a homeless man on the street, or showing my Baby Girls that no matter how bad their life at home is they can have a safe place at Baby Girls Club and we will love them.

I think there are different circles of your "community". You will always have your close group, like family and close friends and those are so so important to have for care, accountability and stability. But I also believe God called us to seek out these opportunities to develop community with others and engage in others lives so that they may understand what it should be like to be in community with Christ.

Hopefully all these thoughts make sense, but I just know that community is a great thing to have and something we need. Not only with each other but with most importantly, God. We can't neglect that relationship because it should impact all other relationships. God is good and praise the Lord for all that he is teaching me!

I can't believe that I'm home. The summer has flown by and I can't believe my time in Africa is over. It truly has been the best summer of my life and has made me realize how great God is! God taught me so many things and I feel like I could go on for hours and hours about my experience. Zambia has for sure become one topic I could talk about forever. :) It's hard for me to believe that at times I was so unsure about going on this trip and it made me nervous just to think about it, but I went and I'm so thankful. Praise the Lord for allowing me to go on this trip because I know that my life will not be the same after. It's like I have a before and after of my life now and it's great. It has been so weird coming back to America and having the buzz of the TV, hearing cell phones ringing, walking into a grocery store and having all the shelves stocked, hearing people complain about so many little things, and not having every child's attention as you walk on the street.

Sometimes its hard not to become bitter or mad about things here in the US and I wonder why we are so blessed in this country. But I do know that God says to whom much is given, much is expected and I believe that more than ever now. My life cannot be the same after this trip and after all the encounters I had with people in Zambia. I don't want to sound extreme or anything like that, but mostly I just wanted to let you know that the Lord worked this summer and I am so grateful for that. My prayer (which actually came from a very wise person I know) now is that God would cement the things that I have learned and experienced in my heart so much that no amount of America takes away what I have learned. I have become gloriously ruined and have dangerously surrendered my life to Christ even more and I love it. If you can all continue to join with me in prayer not only for me, but the people in Zambia and all of the good work that God is doing there.

I leave tomorrow!

Hi everyone! I'm sitting in El Paso, TX right now not believing that I'm about to leave for Zambia tomorrow! We received our itinerary today and it's going to be a super long time for traveling so your prayers would be appreciated! It looks like we'll fly to Houston, then London, then Johansburg South Africa and then Zambia. We'll get there on Tuesday afternoon. I think it's about 25 hours on the actual planes with some three and six hour lay overs! We also learned exactly what we will be doing. We'll be in orphanages, child development centers, care for dying patients, working with church youth groups, and AIDS education.
Another thing I can for sure update you guys on besides my travel plans is the fact that God is good and has already started working on my heart. He has already taught me so much in this last week. The last week has consisted of a training camp in New Mexico with team building and bonding. He has stretched me and reminded me of his love over and over again. The email would have to be ten pages long to get across everything that I've been learning. And for those of you that were wondering...the team building was great and I actually enjoyed it a lot! :) (I told you God was good!)
I have been reading scripture more this last week then I have in the past and I can't believe what I've been missing out on! I have been trying to find God's promises so I could write them down and be reminded of them daily while in Zambia. The two biggest things were the fact that God never leaves us and that he will be our comfort. There is so much more but I know those especially will be constant reminders.
The people I've met here have been incredible and it's so wonderful to be united in community with people that share the same passion and just want to love those we're going to serve just like Jesus! I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and if you could continue to join with me in prayer. My heart is overflowing with thanksgiving to God who even in my fear and anxiety could teach me and stretch me in ways I never would have imagined! My teammates Julia, Deanna and Josh are incredible and we're already like a family only after five days of being together. They all have a heart for the Lord and it is evident. Well I'm off on this incredible journey starting tomorrow. I can't wait! I don't know when I'll be able to update but hopefully at least a couple times. Prayers are appreciated! My prayer is that I'll continue to be stretched out of my comfort zone and that we can be used to reach those in Zambia so that God's kingdom advances!

It's okay to have weaknesses?

This is a question that a lot of the time I would say no. I hate to admit it and I'm just starting to actually embrace and realize that I tend to be an over-achiever or perfectionist. I don't know if that's exactly the word you would use to describe me but basically I like to be good at everything I do and I know the potential that I can achieve and anything less than that is not okay so I try really hard. And I'm not okay if I'm just average. I know this is not the right way to think and to be honest I wish this wasn't my mind set, but what can I say...I am a work in progress and God keeps revealig these things to me that are shaping me and stretching me into the person he created me to be.

So my whole life I hated having weaknesses. I would rather ignore the fact and not participate in something if I wasn't good at it, if I couldn't be great at it, why do it?...(please bear with me I'm trying this new vulnerability thing too...which I'm not very good at...) This belief has been changing in me and it hasn't come with it's uncomfortable moments and unwanted incidents, but it's all good for me and I'm starting to realize that it's okay we have weaknesses. Everyone has them and even though everyone's is different and our struggles are different God made us all the way we are, weaknesses and all so how can I ignore that?

Well, I've been trying to prepare some devotionals/testimony for Africa and I was thinking about the power of Christ and trying to focus on that since I know that's what I'll need to get through this summer! I stumbled on a verse I've known well my whole life but it all of a sudden hit me and I "got it". (So much so I am writing a blog at 1 in the morning) :) Anyway here it is:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me...I delight in weakness". 2 Cor. 12:9-10.

Whoa...boast in my weakness? I delight in weakness? I have heard the first part of that passage many times, however, it has never hit home for me, especially vs. 10. I think with this trip coming up I have often been dwelling on all that I can't do and wishing I was better at all these things and God knew exactly what I needed to hear.
It's okay that I'm not good at everything and that there just some areas of life where I'm weak. God made me this way. I have these weaknesses because his power is made PERFECT in those. In my head I would never say my weaknesses accomplish anything...so thank you Jesus that He is perfect and that His grace is sufficient. It almost makes me rest at ease and feel a burden lifted knowing that I don't have to hate that I'm bad at something or dwell on where I'm the weakest. Instead I should delight in these areas of life because God will use me through my weaknesses. I love my God and the fact that he's so patient with us. Thank the Lord that his power can be made perfect in the places in my life that I think are the least bit useful!

Whoa...

That is the word that goes through my mind when I think about leaving for Africa. It's only one week away and I can't believe it! I have been excited when thinking about my trip but as it comes closer I start to get really nervous! I think it's just the reality of it setting in and the fact that I'm a little overwhelmed by all I still have to do and all the money I need to get in! But then when I start to freak out in my usual way I feel a peace come over me. I'm trying this new thing called trusting in my Savior. Who would have thought?
My whole life I've been a worry wort and I always freak out about things. I always know that I need to trust and God says not to worry but its easy to know that in your head but not to convince the rest of you! But I've been getting better these last few weeks and it just all of a sudden hit me I feel like. I don't know why it took this long but I've just come to the realization that the creator of the Universe and Savior of the world cares about me and loves me so who am I to worry about anything? He tells me not to worry and if he's always with me why should I worry?
So this is my new mindset and hopefully one that'll stay with me especially on this trip to Africa. But I truly feel like not much can go wrong because God is there. Yeah things that I think are wrong and shouldn't be happening might happen, but thats okay because my God is bigger than all of those possible situations.
As much as this is something that is becoming more real to me I still need prayer becaue the Lord knows I so easily worry about everything and everyone...but I'm a work in progress and that's all I can do! :)

Called to a purpose...

This is my second post in one day...its a record! Today I only had two of my classes and have been kinda taking a break from homework (which is a good and a bad thing) but I've been able to spend some extended time in the Word, reading, and in prayer. I also went to Baby Girl's Club which is always one of the brighter spots of my week! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life and what God has called me to be.

I know the high standard that I have been called and I feel the call to do something that only God can fulfill. And as much as I know this I'm trying so hard to figure out what that exactly means. This brings a lot confusion and worry. I have been struggling a lot lately with being in college. I know a lot of people say this, but I truly hate school and I really have hated it my whole life. I hate going to classes and I hate doing homework. I like learning new things and gaining knowledge but I feel like I'm wasting my time and money here at school and if I could drop out and do something I love the rest of my life and having enough to live on I would be content. I just wish I could volunteer and be in ministry to others. I don't want a degree and have to endure the next two years of studies...Why can't I just volunteer the rest of my life?

My brother told me the quote, "Find the place where your greatest passions meet the world's deepest needs." (I think that's right). That's where I want to be. And right now I guess I need to be in school and continue to build up debt and all those nice things, but I'm only hoping it leads to something that I will love and be passionate about while meeting the needs of the world and fulfilling my desire to be a light unto the world and that I can be "Jesus with skin on" to those around me.

Going to AFrica this summer is something I'm so excited about being I feel like it is a part of fulfilling my purpose. And I can't wait to see what God has in store and I'll continue praying for patience with school and praying for guidance so that I can know that purpose that only God can fulfill!

His Blessings are new every morning

I was reading today in a book called, Life Together. It came highly recommended from my brother and I've only really been reading it in spurts through out this whole year, but it is really good and contains a whole lot of wisdom. The author was talking about how in the Bible there is a lot of emphasis on the morning and how people in scripture praised God and prayed in the morning. He gave many scripture references which was interesting because I never realized it was such a prominent theme.
One thing he said really stuck out to me and made me realize that I don't approach my days in the right manor or attitude for a child of God and follower of Christ. This is what it said,

"For Christians the beginning of the day should not be burdened and oppressed with besetting concerns for the days work. At the threshold of the new day stands the Lord who made it."

This greatly convicted me. I have not been having an attitude that reflects Christ and most mornings I wake up dreading the day ahead and counting down the days until I'm done with school. I am so ready to be done with school and leave for home, but that doesn't mean I need to discount each day and forget that the Creator of the universe made it. I need to stop only looking forward to what is ahead and accomplish my purpose each and every day. Some days I'm not exactly sure what that purpose is, but even if its just sharing love and a smile with someone...that should make my day worth it. So I'm working on it and praying that God gives me patience to finish out the year and a new perspective each morning. :)

My story?

This may seem random, but I think I'll be able to tie it all together...maybe. :) Today has been a rough day. When I reflect on it now I know that the things I worried about and cried about may seem petty and I hate that they get to me, but it does and if I could change it and make me different I would in a heart beat! Anyway... school is rough. I just hate my classes and its hard to be motivated to study and do homework when you don't enjoy any of your classes and you have teachers that aren't competent and can't teach (this topic alone I could talk about forever, so I won't go there.) And tonight we had a Youth In Mission meeting and I was so discouraged after hearing how good everyone's fundraising is going when mine sucks. I don't doubt that God can and will provide its just so discouraging and hard when everyone else is doing so well.
Well in this meeting too we had to share our testimony with each other. When I heard this I didn't know what to say. I have gone on a couple mission trips and have had to prepare my testimony so many times whether it was for these trips or youth group or whatever, and its always ends up being different.
I got to thinking after, What is my story? Personally, I feel like my life has been pretty uneventful and boring, but I do have a story and I'm just trying to put it into words that can influence and impact those that hear. Since I became a christian when I was real young I feel like my testimony should focus more on what I've been learning and what He is teaching me right now. Well that ends up being a whole lot of stuff and it's kinda hard to narrow down. So right now I'm in a quandary over whether to write a "testimony" right now and just read that whenever I need to in Africa or just reflect on all that God is teaching me then and speaking about that...And then I got to thinking about what a testimony really is and if there's even a specific what you should say and what you shouldn't. I know this is random and probably isn't as hard as I'm making it, but I really don't know what to say in my testimony that I have to have prepared whenever I'm asked in Africa. So I guess I'll be contemplating this until I leave in May. I hear they may ask me to preach a sermon randomly too while I'm over there so thats a whole other story and experience...we'll just worry about that if it comes!

I guess the way this can tie in is I know a part of my story is how I need to try and stop worrying about things and leaving it in God's hands and have him take these burdens from me. Which is part of the reason it's been such a rough day. And if anyone even reads this your prayer would be appreciate about my trip this summer and raising funds and for me to just make it through the rest of the semester! It's much appreciated! :)

Despair in my soul...

I feel like so many bad things are happening. With all the shootings going on around the world, people I know that are sick, or have passed away and the constant issues of how our world sucks sometimes and I just want to make it better. It just all weighs down on me a whole lot and lately I feel like I've been hearing a lot of bad news and I just can't get over all this "bad stuff" that is happening. I mean I hear about another school shooting, my dad's friend from school passing away, my friend's dad is in the hospital and the list could go on...I don't want to be "Debbie Downer" or depressing but all this has been weighing on me and I feel like every second I just can't help but think about everyone that needs prayer and praying for them. Well...I was reading My Utmost for his Highest today during my devos and something that was said really hit the nail on the head with this subject.

"If a burden and its resulting pressure come upon us while we are not in an attitude of worship, it will only produce a hardness toward God and despair in our own souls."

My attitude hasn't been right the last week or so. I have become so burdened and overwhelmed by these things and I need to stop worrying about them. It is bringing despair to my soul and I wouldn't say a hardness toward God, but I can see how it would become that way. I just wish I could fix everyones problems and I hate knowing people are sad and I want to do something for it. So...I'm working on trust and interceding on the behalf of these people through prayer and doing what I can, which in most cases is prayer. And I've realized that I need to leave it at that. I can only do so much and I need to trust that God is in control and will take care of everyone because He loves them so much more than I do.

Sorry It's Been awhile...

I didn't realize how long its been since I last blogged until I logged on here. I have been super busy and I guess just haven't had the time. Not too much has been going on since the beginning of the semester. A few ups and downs, but I'm doing good. I have been struggling with some things and I was reading in my devos from a book called His Princess and its like God writing letters to me. It hit pretty much exactly what I've been thinking about lately...

"You are destined to win. I know how tired you often become, just by trying to do and say all the right things. Take that pressure off yourself, because I did not put it there. The world may judge you by what they see and hear, but I look within your heart. I see your desire to please Me, and I see your struggle to please others. If you want to win this endurance race, you must let go of your need for the approval of others and seek my will and My pleasure. Simplify your life, and let go of the burdens that weigh you down. You'll find that My grace will lighten your step and my favor will even draw others to join you. Yes, at times you will stumble and fall. But don't worry. I'm here to help you get back up again-as often as it takes. Make it your daily passion to run with Me, and I will carry you over the finish line of your faith..."

This was exactly what I needed to here. I put too much pressure on myself I think sometimes. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a people pleaser and that weighs on me so much sometimes. And I want God's grace to lighten my step because lately I have felt so weighted down by things. I need to remember to simplify my life and trust that God will carry me. I'm just so amazed by God and the way he works in our lives. God and I are working on a lot of aspects of my life right now so it is feeling like a daily race, but I know with God on my side I will finish!

It's A New Year

So it's a new year and I kind of have mixed feelings. I'm excited for what this next year has in store, but I'm also nervous and anxious too. And of course I always hate leaving home so it takes an extra positive attitude for me to be happy about being back at school, but I'm working on that area of my life.
A big decision was made for me this break. I found out I was accepted to go to Africa with Youth In Mission. When I first found out I was really excited and then I was hit with a wave of apprehension and worry. I thought of everything that could go wrong and all the reasons I shouldn't go. The fact that I'm not a risk taker (a characteristic I really don't like) was really pushing me away from the thought of going to Africa. However, after much praying, thinking, and talking with lots of people I decided to go. I'm still pretty nervous about this and not sure what to expect, but I know it'll be okay. So, I'll be going to Zambia and it costs about $3700. That's another aspect I'm worried about but I know God will provide.
I was very encouraged by the quote that came with our letter that told us we were accepted. It's by Oswalk Chambers and it says, “If you give God the right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you. God’s experiments ALWAYS succeed!” I just need to keep thinking that whenever I get nervous about the summer.
Also, the same day I found out I was reading My Utmost for His Highest and Chambers writes, "Liviing a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and kowing the One who is leading." If I always knew where I was going in life I wouldn't need faith and there would be no reason to depend on God. I need to realize that God is the only one who knows my future and what wil happen in Africa and I just need to have faith and concentrate on knowing the one how is leading me. So, that's my goal this next semester to continue to know God more and more each day. To prepare myself to share the Gospel with those who have never heard it and to get excited about being God's instrument and experiment.