So it's about the time in the year when I decided I wanted to figure out what I was going to do when I graduated. I thought to myself at the beginning of the semester that at Christmas I would figure out what to do with my life. Well...that's not looking too promising. I'm not stressed out or worrying about it but more than anything I just want to know.
I've learned this semester more about discernment and I've been praying a prayer of indifference, praying that God would help me not to care where I go and make my desire to follow Christ's call on my life and make love my primary calling in life be my motivater in where I go and what I do...not make a decision based on what I want to do or what is most fun or easy.
So since I really do have this mindset of indifference I don't know where to go from here. I have some options and there are some possibilities falling into place possible but I still struggle with fear and really knowing which options are the best...so instead of making this break one of finality and decisions I am going to be seeking. Searching God's heart and will so that no matter what decision I make I know God will be pleased with me since my heart is seeking His and my desire is that no matter where I go or what I do Christ will be reflected in me, love will be shown and I'll be in a place where I can better his Kingdom.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
So much going on...
I feel like my mind is mush. Today is the first day in weeks that I've actually been able to stop and think about anything really. I've been going nonstop and it's so nice to just stop. It's also been difficult because things I've avoided thinking about are creeping into my mind. I guess God has been trying to tell me things all semester and I haven't been willing to listen and have totally missed the connections.
I've changed and grown a lot this semester. It may be in ways that no one else can see but myself and that's okay. It's things that needed to happen and that are shaping me. I am finally allowing the walls that I've put up around myself to be torn down. I'm starting to realize that I am worth it and I do have worth..if not in anyone elses eyes I do in God's and that is all the worth I need. I'm starting to actually give myself credit and realize no matter how anyone else makes me feel that I am worth it. I don't know how to explain this exactly without making myself look conceited but I guess I can say I have found my self-confidence in Christ and it's about time. :)
It's still a journey...and I know there will be times I fall and doubt but this is the first and most important step and it's the foundation of what I need to continue living my life the way I think Christ is calling me...but it is a journey so we'll see where I go.
That's just one part of the mush in my brain...so hopefully more entries are to come.
I've changed and grown a lot this semester. It may be in ways that no one else can see but myself and that's okay. It's things that needed to happen and that are shaping me. I am finally allowing the walls that I've put up around myself to be torn down. I'm starting to realize that I am worth it and I do have worth..if not in anyone elses eyes I do in God's and that is all the worth I need. I'm starting to actually give myself credit and realize no matter how anyone else makes me feel that I am worth it. I don't know how to explain this exactly without making myself look conceited but I guess I can say I have found my self-confidence in Christ and it's about time. :)
It's still a journey...and I know there will be times I fall and doubt but this is the first and most important step and it's the foundation of what I need to continue living my life the way I think Christ is calling me...but it is a journey so we'll see where I go.
That's just one part of the mush in my brain...so hopefully more entries are to come.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What is Compassion?
I've always considered myself a compassionate person. I could "feel" with people and I would sympathize with people. However, after reading the book Compassion for one of my classes my eyes have been opened to what it really means.
Compassion literally means to "suffer with". It doesn't mean to "bend toward the underprivileged from a privileged position; it is not reaching out from on high to those who are less fortunate below; and it is not a gesture of sympathy or pity for those who fail to make it in the upward pull."
I think I've spent a lot of my life like this; something always made me pull away and not get close enough. I would be sad and get angry by the girls situations at Baby Girls Club or by hearing a homeless man's story but honestly a part of me always kept distance and thought "I just feel so bad for them."
But not anymore...I think I've said before be careful what you pray for...I prayed that God would help me show true compassion and would break my heart for what breaks his...
Today at Baby Girl's I heard a girls story. She's 15, her mom is 28. She's the oldest of 8 kids. She's basically their mom. She was a product of her mother being raped at 13. I can't just hear that anymore and say I'm sorry that's too bad...because I know I'm called to more. I want to get to know her more and hear more about her and let her know someone is suffering with her. I can't live or love just reaching down anymore.
"Compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there. God's compassion is total, absolute, unconditional, without reservation. It is the compassion of the one who keeps going to the most forgotten corners of the world, and who cannot rest as long as there are still human beings with tears in their eyes. It is the compassion of a God who does not merely act as a servant, but who expresses the divinity of God through servanthood."
Compassion literally means to "suffer with". It doesn't mean to "bend toward the underprivileged from a privileged position; it is not reaching out from on high to those who are less fortunate below; and it is not a gesture of sympathy or pity for those who fail to make it in the upward pull."
I think I've spent a lot of my life like this; something always made me pull away and not get close enough. I would be sad and get angry by the girls situations at Baby Girls Club or by hearing a homeless man's story but honestly a part of me always kept distance and thought "I just feel so bad for them."
But not anymore...I think I've said before be careful what you pray for...I prayed that God would help me show true compassion and would break my heart for what breaks his...
Today at Baby Girl's I heard a girls story. She's 15, her mom is 28. She's the oldest of 8 kids. She's basically their mom. She was a product of her mother being raped at 13. I can't just hear that anymore and say I'm sorry that's too bad...because I know I'm called to more. I want to get to know her more and hear more about her and let her know someone is suffering with her. I can't live or love just reaching down anymore.
"Compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there. God's compassion is total, absolute, unconditional, without reservation. It is the compassion of the one who keeps going to the most forgotten corners of the world, and who cannot rest as long as there are still human beings with tears in their eyes. It is the compassion of a God who does not merely act as a servant, but who expresses the divinity of God through servanthood."
Sunday, October 25, 2009
What an Experience...
So I went to the Christian Community Development Association (CCDA) conference in Cincinnati this past week. I went into it not knowing what to expect and therefore my expectations were highly surpassed. It rocked me and was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I learned so much not only about community development but about myself and what God would have me do with my life. My new hero is John Perkins and I plan on reading every book he's written. And God has finally torn down some walls and opened my eyes to things that if I would have been listening sooner would have happened earlier but I finally got smart enough to listen. More to come on this later...
Check them out...
www.ccda.org
Check them out...
www.ccda.org
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Overwhelmed and Angry.
Okay...honest blog here. Posted for the sole purpose of being specific about how I can be prayed for and what's going on...okay kind of a vent too I guess.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed with life at the moment. Too much to do. Going from class to class, homework assignment to homework assignment, obligation to obligation. I don't feel like there's always enough time in the day.
I feel like my life is spinning out of control and I'm just in a free fall. I realize this feeling of having no control could be good...but I don't consider myself quite a control freak where control is usually an issue in my life so the feeling I'm experiencing isn't the best.
I know I can be better. Sorry I suck at being a friend and a student and a person at times...I know I can be better and I'm not. I know I'm a work in progress and I frustrate myself daily with my many let downs.
I don't know what to do with my future. At the moment it just makes me feel burdened so I refuse to think about it...hey may not be healthy but it's what I'm doing at the moment.
I need prayer...and I'm blessed to have people in my life who pray for me (at least i think they do ;) I know I can be dramatic and my life isn't bad at all...but if this overwhelmed feeling could pass that would be wonderful. :)
I'm just feeling overwhelmed with life at the moment. Too much to do. Going from class to class, homework assignment to homework assignment, obligation to obligation. I don't feel like there's always enough time in the day.
I feel like my life is spinning out of control and I'm just in a free fall. I realize this feeling of having no control could be good...but I don't consider myself quite a control freak where control is usually an issue in my life so the feeling I'm experiencing isn't the best.
I know I can be better. Sorry I suck at being a friend and a student and a person at times...I know I can be better and I'm not. I know I'm a work in progress and I frustrate myself daily with my many let downs.
I don't know what to do with my future. At the moment it just makes me feel burdened so I refuse to think about it...hey may not be healthy but it's what I'm doing at the moment.
I need prayer...and I'm blessed to have people in my life who pray for me (at least i think they do ;) I know I can be dramatic and my life isn't bad at all...but if this overwhelmed feeling could pass that would be wonderful. :)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
This is beautiful...
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people.
SO THAT you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war.
SO THAT you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain to joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world.
SO THAT you can do what others claim cannot be done to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
SO THAT you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war.
SO THAT you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain to joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world.
SO THAT you can do what others claim cannot be done to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Who I Am.
I've been doing some self reflection lately I guess you could say. I've tried to become more self aware and I've noticed comments from people about me and sometimes I feel like people don't know me that well. So this is just a list about me and who I am. And since I'm loving top ten lists lately here are the top ten things about me...
10. I can't lie. I guess because the two times in my life I've told the biggest lies it was torture to keep things straight and it's not worth it at all. It's actually kinda weird how much I can't lie even if its about something stupid. And one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone does lie to me.
9. I don't get mad very easily. If I do get mad it's gotta be a pretty big deal and the biggest thing that makes me mad are social justice issues.
8. I'm a people pleaser. Yup, I admit it. I've always known it and I hate it at times because I hate that people can so easily have control over my emotions, but I like that it makes me more selfless and think more of others and what they're feeling.
7. My love language is words of affirmation. The way to get to my heart is through words. I notice when people don't say I love you and if you want to make my day just write me a letter. I love writing other people letters and letting them know I appreciate them.
6. I guess I'm unique...I've realized that a lot of people have used that word to describe me and I used to get offended but I looked up the definition and it said: being the only one of its kind and unlike anyone else. So...I guess this could be said in a negative way but I'm just embracing my uniqueness. :)
5. I struggle with being good enough. I guess this is one of my deepest insecurities. I guess it's also related to being a people pleaser.
4. I'm a pretty adaptable and flexible person. I'll go with the flow and I would rather not have things totally planned out, but if they are that's okay too. I think it can come across like I don't have opinions or am just a follower but its just because I will do whatever and if other people care more than I do then I'll just do whatever they want because I'm content with whatever.
3. I do have an opinion, actually I have a lot of them. I think some people would say I don't often say what I think, but I just don't express them all the time because I don't want to start fights with people and I just want to keep the peace.
2. I'm dependable. I can't say I will do something and not do it. I don't think there's many times in my life where I can say I let someone down or said I would do something and didn't. This also results in me sucking at saying no to things and being over committed.
1. I'm an Introvert. I've spent years denying it and always wished I was more outgoing but I've come to terms with it. And I've realized the true definition of the word means that I get my energy from being alone. I love being around people and spending time with lots of friends but I do get drained if I don't have some alone time.
I figured since I was talking about myself I would include a picture...this is the result of being sick and bored in my apt. all day.
10. I can't lie. I guess because the two times in my life I've told the biggest lies it was torture to keep things straight and it's not worth it at all. It's actually kinda weird how much I can't lie even if its about something stupid. And one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone does lie to me.
9. I don't get mad very easily. If I do get mad it's gotta be a pretty big deal and the biggest thing that makes me mad are social justice issues.
8. I'm a people pleaser. Yup, I admit it. I've always known it and I hate it at times because I hate that people can so easily have control over my emotions, but I like that it makes me more selfless and think more of others and what they're feeling.
7. My love language is words of affirmation. The way to get to my heart is through words. I notice when people don't say I love you and if you want to make my day just write me a letter. I love writing other people letters and letting them know I appreciate them.
6. I guess I'm unique...I've realized that a lot of people have used that word to describe me and I used to get offended but I looked up the definition and it said: being the only one of its kind and unlike anyone else. So...I guess this could be said in a negative way but I'm just embracing my uniqueness. :)
5. I struggle with being good enough. I guess this is one of my deepest insecurities. I guess it's also related to being a people pleaser.
4. I'm a pretty adaptable and flexible person. I'll go with the flow and I would rather not have things totally planned out, but if they are that's okay too. I think it can come across like I don't have opinions or am just a follower but its just because I will do whatever and if other people care more than I do then I'll just do whatever they want because I'm content with whatever.
3. I do have an opinion, actually I have a lot of them. I think some people would say I don't often say what I think, but I just don't express them all the time because I don't want to start fights with people and I just want to keep the peace.
2. I'm dependable. I can't say I will do something and not do it. I don't think there's many times in my life where I can say I let someone down or said I would do something and didn't. This also results in me sucking at saying no to things and being over committed.
1. I'm an Introvert. I've spent years denying it and always wished I was more outgoing but I've come to terms with it. And I've realized the true definition of the word means that I get my energy from being alone. I love being around people and spending time with lots of friends but I do get drained if I don't have some alone time.
I figured since I was talking about myself I would include a picture...this is the result of being sick and bored in my apt. all day.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
My Top 10 Events of Summer...
Things have been crazy this last week...came back to Nashville last Friday and have been on retreat and in meetings pretty much nonstop. I'm finally having a chance to relax and wanted to summarize my summer before it got to late...so I decided to do it in the form of a top ten list.
10. Traveling. I basically drove from Michigan to Seattle in the span of two and half months and got to see and experience so many things along the way.
9. Weddings. I got to be in a good friend's wedding and then come to Nashville for one weekend for two weddings. It was so fun celebrating such a special day with everyone!
8. Home. As much as I loved traveling and being all over the place this summer I loved that I was able to relax at home and spend time there with family and friends. Of course home wouldn't be home without a trip to Lake Michigan and I was able to go twice.
7. The sporting events. I attended three major league baseball games and the Seattle Sounders vs. Chelsea game. I got to go to my first Tigers game!! Which was incredible and then went to a Seattle Mariners game and Colorado Rockies...out of the three only the Rockies won. :( Also...I went to the Sounders vs. Chelsea FC game which was so awesome and I'm so glad I got to go!
6. Almost encountering a gun. Leah and I had the great opportunity of running from gun shots while we were in downtown Seattle...long story short, scariest moment of my life to date.
5. Family. I think I spent more time with my family this summer than I have in awhile and it was wonderful. We had our "family reunion" with my aunts and uncles and some cousins which was great and we got spend some time out at the lake house.
4. Wyoming. After my Mom and Dad picked me up at Camp in CO we drove to WY and met Leah and Jake there to do some camping in the Grand Tetons (which are beautiful). We went on a couple really pretty hikes, survived a storm in the tent, and kayaking on a lake in the storm, and only showered every few days...it was great.
3. Seeing old friends. I was able to see Josh and Deanna in Denver before camp and it was so good! It wasn't the longest time but we were able to catch up and I'm so thankful I was able to see them! And In Seattle I got to see Julia, who lives there now, and spend the night with her and we just picked up where we left off.
2. Seattle in general. I'm so glad I was able to spend time there with Jake, Leah and Em. I learned the bus system, experienced city life, did a 5k and had some nice relaxing downtime. I spent more time with Leah and Jake than I have in awhile and it was great.
1. Camp Timberline. Wow. I'm not gonna lie...it didn't start out quite like I expected, but it ended up being an amazing experience that I will forever be grateful for. God shaped me and revealed so much to me this summer through this experience and I won't forget it.
10. Traveling. I basically drove from Michigan to Seattle in the span of two and half months and got to see and experience so many things along the way.
9. Weddings. I got to be in a good friend's wedding and then come to Nashville for one weekend for two weddings. It was so fun celebrating such a special day with everyone!
8. Home. As much as I loved traveling and being all over the place this summer I loved that I was able to relax at home and spend time there with family and friends. Of course home wouldn't be home without a trip to Lake Michigan and I was able to go twice.
7. The sporting events. I attended three major league baseball games and the Seattle Sounders vs. Chelsea game. I got to go to my first Tigers game!! Which was incredible and then went to a Seattle Mariners game and Colorado Rockies...out of the three only the Rockies won. :( Also...I went to the Sounders vs. Chelsea FC game which was so awesome and I'm so glad I got to go!
6. Almost encountering a gun. Leah and I had the great opportunity of running from gun shots while we were in downtown Seattle...long story short, scariest moment of my life to date.
5. Family. I think I spent more time with my family this summer than I have in awhile and it was wonderful. We had our "family reunion" with my aunts and uncles and some cousins which was great and we got spend some time out at the lake house.
4. Wyoming. After my Mom and Dad picked me up at Camp in CO we drove to WY and met Leah and Jake there to do some camping in the Grand Tetons (which are beautiful). We went on a couple really pretty hikes, survived a storm in the tent, and kayaking on a lake in the storm, and only showered every few days...it was great.
3. Seeing old friends. I was able to see Josh and Deanna in Denver before camp and it was so good! It wasn't the longest time but we were able to catch up and I'm so thankful I was able to see them! And In Seattle I got to see Julia, who lives there now, and spend the night with her and we just picked up where we left off.
2. Seattle in general. I'm so glad I was able to spend time there with Jake, Leah and Em. I learned the bus system, experienced city life, did a 5k and had some nice relaxing downtime. I spent more time with Leah and Jake than I have in awhile and it was great.
1. Camp Timberline. Wow. I'm not gonna lie...it didn't start out quite like I expected, but it ended up being an amazing experience that I will forever be grateful for. God shaped me and revealed so much to me this summer through this experience and I won't forget it.
Friday, July 17, 2009
What a Summer...
I am currently sitting in the QCafe in Seattle and just thinking about how amazingly (is that a word?) blessed I have been by my summer. It has already been pretty incredible and I'm not sure how it could get much better. I was able to spend seven weeks in one of the most beautiful places ever and work with some pretty incredible people. I was stretched and God taught me so much through my experience at camp. I didn't want to leave and loved the relationships I built and the experiences I was able to have through interacting with my campers.
I'm not gonna lie at times it was hard and I questioned often why I was there and what I was doing there, but through that God showed me that we are where he wants us to be and there was a reason for where I was. I never knew it was possible to love kids that much. I just prayed that God would give me his eyes to see and his love to love these kids with and he did. I was only with them for about a week each, but I cared about them and loved them in a way only God could have allowed me to. God surprised me over and over again with different encounters with people. One week we had a really difficult cabin and it wasn't going very smoothly but then on the last day five of them accepted Christ into their lives for the first time...I never would have thought they even cared about what they were hearing, but one girl said before she went to pray..."I can't wait to start my life with God" and just danced around. Or one 14 year old camper who came into camp not believing that God even existed and at the end of the week talking to her and she was able to say its okay to have doubts but now she really knows the Truth and that there is a God who cares about her. Those are the times I won't forget.
As hard as it was to leave camp I got to go camping in the beautiful Grand Tetons with the family (minus Bets) and it that was a blast and now I'm chilling in Seattle with Jake, Leah and Em. Really things couldn't get much better...
A couple pictures of Camp T:
I'm not gonna lie at times it was hard and I questioned often why I was there and what I was doing there, but through that God showed me that we are where he wants us to be and there was a reason for where I was. I never knew it was possible to love kids that much. I just prayed that God would give me his eyes to see and his love to love these kids with and he did. I was only with them for about a week each, but I cared about them and loved them in a way only God could have allowed me to. God surprised me over and over again with different encounters with people. One week we had a really difficult cabin and it wasn't going very smoothly but then on the last day five of them accepted Christ into their lives for the first time...I never would have thought they even cared about what they were hearing, but one girl said before she went to pray..."I can't wait to start my life with God" and just danced around. Or one 14 year old camper who came into camp not believing that God even existed and at the end of the week talking to her and she was able to say its okay to have doubts but now she really knows the Truth and that there is a God who cares about her. Those are the times I won't forget.
As hard as it was to leave camp I got to go camping in the beautiful Grand Tetons with the family (minus Bets) and it that was a blast and now I'm chilling in Seattle with Jake, Leah and Em. Really things couldn't get much better...
A couple pictures of Camp T:
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Summer...
My summer sorta officially starts tomorrow. Me and Becca are off on our road trip to Colorado!!! I'm working at Camp Timberline until July 8th, then camping with the fam, and then hanging out in Seattle for awhile with Jake and Leah. I'm pumped about what my summer looks like but also a little nervous about the camp part. I just pray that I'll be good at what I have to do and that God will use me where he sees fit. Prayer would be appreciated of course. I know God will work in me and through me and I'm excited about that and pray that my flesh doesn't get in the way. I'm praying for all of you that read this also...since I'm pretty sure I know the six or seven of you that do...:)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
What I don't get about life...
WARNING: The content of this blog is the result of a rant and rave. The words are cynical at times. Some things I say may not even be right and I'm sure can be justified in some way, but these are just things I've been thinking about and am really just spouting off. And I know I'm guilty of these things too and I don't do everything right...I'm frustrated with myself often.
- How is it so easy to read the Bible...yet not do what it says? I think people really make it harder than it is, it's really not that complex. Love God and love others and really everything else should just fall into place. What would life look like if we truly treated each person as if they were Christ? Life changing I would say...
- How can people see the pain of the world and just push it away and not let it affect them? I can't even watch one of those support a child commercials without crying. There's a line in the movie Hotel Rwanda where the Rwandans are saying well if they see the videos of what's going on here people will want to help and will do something...then the journalist replies...no they'll just see it say that's awful and go on eating their dinner. That's what happens...I hate that it's so easy to become immersed in our own comfortable "easy" lives that we block out the pain and suffering of the world.
- Gossip. I know I can struggle with this as much as the next person and I hate it. Really when you think about it...who wants to be talked about behind their back, so why do we do it to other people? I hate that this is such an easy thing, especially for girls to fall back on in conversation and that it has become so casual.
- Money. I wish we could exist without it, but that's difficult. I just wish we were better stewards of it. And really...some things really get me angry. Like how a professional baseball player won't settle for a $24 million contract because he wants a $26 million one...what does he do that's really beneficial that he should earn that much money? The other day there was a huge semi on campus advertising about a mission project going on in Peru to raise support for churches...how much support could they have given if they wouldn't have rented that truck? Just sayin...
Again, forgive me...I know its cynical, but these are all things I've been struggling with and praying about for awhile among many other issues. I feel like God's been answering my prayer to open my eyes to the world...I just need to figure out how to handle it I guess. I have a holy discontent and I plan on that leading to changes in my own life and not just being a person who is cynical about everything, because I know that's not beneficial at all.
- How is it so easy to read the Bible...yet not do what it says? I think people really make it harder than it is, it's really not that complex. Love God and love others and really everything else should just fall into place. What would life look like if we truly treated each person as if they were Christ? Life changing I would say...
- How can people see the pain of the world and just push it away and not let it affect them? I can't even watch one of those support a child commercials without crying. There's a line in the movie Hotel Rwanda where the Rwandans are saying well if they see the videos of what's going on here people will want to help and will do something...then the journalist replies...no they'll just see it say that's awful and go on eating their dinner. That's what happens...I hate that it's so easy to become immersed in our own comfortable "easy" lives that we block out the pain and suffering of the world.
- Gossip. I know I can struggle with this as much as the next person and I hate it. Really when you think about it...who wants to be talked about behind their back, so why do we do it to other people? I hate that this is such an easy thing, especially for girls to fall back on in conversation and that it has become so casual.
- Money. I wish we could exist without it, but that's difficult. I just wish we were better stewards of it. And really...some things really get me angry. Like how a professional baseball player won't settle for a $24 million contract because he wants a $26 million one...what does he do that's really beneficial that he should earn that much money? The other day there was a huge semi on campus advertising about a mission project going on in Peru to raise support for churches...how much support could they have given if they wouldn't have rented that truck? Just sayin...
Again, forgive me...I know its cynical, but these are all things I've been struggling with and praying about for awhile among many other issues. I feel like God's been answering my prayer to open my eyes to the world...I just need to figure out how to handle it I guess. I have a holy discontent and I plan on that leading to changes in my own life and not just being a person who is cynical about everything, because I know that's not beneficial at all.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A picture speaks a thousand words.
They say a picture speaks a thousand words. This is one of the pictures I have in my room and to me it says a lot. Every time I look at it I usually expereince two emotions. A deep sadness that makes me ache, but also a complete joy. A deep sadness because I miss Zambia so much and I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. When I look at this picture and any others from my trip this summer it makes me miss them. I miss the beautiful people I met, miss the love they have for the Lord and for each other and the great community I experienced when I was there. I don't think I can truly express or have people understand how badly I miss it or how many times a week my heart just aches to be in Zambia.
I also experience joy. Joy that God is working there and I had the opportunity to be a part of that and spend my summer living there. A joy that I was able to experience what so many people don't and that it had a lasting impact on me. A joy that although I know the people there experience poverty, pain, suffering, and death they have hope and peace and know that they serve a God who is bigger than poverty, pain, suffering, and death. I'm thankful for that because sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the suffering and all I know to do is pray. I pray for them often and think of them tons. I don't know what the Lord has planned for me but if it was to go back there I would, or if it was to stay here and pray from afar I can do that too. I guess we'll just have to see.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Opened Eyes.
Ok so here goes nothing...I know that the few people that really read this are people that care about me (well I hope so) :) and that I know will lift me up in prayer so I'm trying to be honest. I think I've come to a breaking point. I'm not sure if any of this will make sense but we'll just have to see.
I have been struggling lately. Just being in a state of numbness and confusion. I have felt blah some days, great on other days and just clueless overall sometimes. I feel like it's been a roller coaster ride. I've been hurt but am healing and the last few days I've just had some things really heavy on my heart and I couldn't figure it out. I've been praying God would open my eyes to what I need to see.
In this time I've become broken over my sin. I feel like God has really opened my eyes to the filth and dirtiness of my life and it literally disgusts me. Obviously I've always known I've sinned and wasn't perfect but for some reason I feel like I was more blinded to my own sins. I feel like the scales have fallen off my eyes and I not only see myself and what I really look like but also other things in my life.
I'm not sure if this makes sense without going into too much detail but I've been praying continually since the summer that God would break my heart for what breaks his and sin breaks his heart. My sin. Your sin. All of human kind's sin. It's always easy to look around and realize the sin or be judgmental even of the sins of those around us, but it seems so easy to overlook your own sin.
Realizing and being broken over my own sin has made me more aware of God's grace and love in my own life and how that extends to other peoples lives also. I'm a sinner in need of a savior and I think I'm starting to fully realize that concept.
I have been struggling lately. Just being in a state of numbness and confusion. I have felt blah some days, great on other days and just clueless overall sometimes. I feel like it's been a roller coaster ride. I've been hurt but am healing and the last few days I've just had some things really heavy on my heart and I couldn't figure it out. I've been praying God would open my eyes to what I need to see.
In this time I've become broken over my sin. I feel like God has really opened my eyes to the filth and dirtiness of my life and it literally disgusts me. Obviously I've always known I've sinned and wasn't perfect but for some reason I feel like I was more blinded to my own sins. I feel like the scales have fallen off my eyes and I not only see myself and what I really look like but also other things in my life.
I'm not sure if this makes sense without going into too much detail but I've been praying continually since the summer that God would break my heart for what breaks his and sin breaks his heart. My sin. Your sin. All of human kind's sin. It's always easy to look around and realize the sin or be judgmental even of the sins of those around us, but it seems so easy to overlook your own sin.
Realizing and being broken over my own sin has made me more aware of God's grace and love in my own life and how that extends to other peoples lives also. I'm a sinner in need of a savior and I think I'm starting to fully realize that concept.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Just ordinary
So my whole life I've always thought I was just average, just ordinary. Nothing really special about me, nothing that stood out or was too impressive. I really struggled with this last summer in Zambia because I felt like everyone on my team was really good at something and I wasn't good at anything. I re-read through my journal the other night from the summer and I what I read was exactly what I needed to hear. In my journal I had written a quote from a book I read called The Dangerous Surrender.
"Ordinary people. God uses ordinary people. He chooses people just like me and you, who are willing to do as He commands. God uses people that will give Him all, no matter how small your all may seem to you; Because little becomes much as you place it in the Master's hand."
I may be ordinary, but that's okay. I know I'm willing to do as Christ commands and I'm willing to give my all to Him. And I know he can make something I think is just ordinary into extraordinary.
"Ordinary people. God uses ordinary people. He chooses people just like me and you, who are willing to do as He commands. God uses people that will give Him all, no matter how small your all may seem to you; Because little becomes much as you place it in the Master's hand."
I may be ordinary, but that's okay. I know I'm willing to do as Christ commands and I'm willing to give my all to Him. And I know he can make something I think is just ordinary into extraordinary.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Faith and Promises
I feel like recently I've had multiple conversations about faith and the power of God. One friend has reminded me that God has the power to answer our prayers and how often do we pray with the faith that actually shows we believe our prayers will be answered? In church we talked about faith and what that means exactly. Having faith in someone or something means you trust they are good for their word or their promises. I know I have faith in Christ and I believe, but I think I forget too much what all God promises us. He doesn't make empty promises and I need to remind myself of that. Before I left for Zambia this summer I made a list of some of the things God promises us.
God Promises:
- His power is made perfect in our weaknesses (II Cor. 12:9)
- The testing of our faith produces perseverance. (James 1:3)
- We will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on us. (Acts 1:8)
- God will complete His work in us. (Phil. 1:6)
- The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds. (Phil. 4:7)
- He will comfort us. (II Cor. 1:3)
- He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. (Ps. 103:11)
- He can do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. (Eph. 3:20)
- If we seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, all these things will be given to us. (Math. 6:33)
- He will never leave us or forsake us. (Heb. 13:5)
- He will protect us from trouble and surround us with songs of deliverance. (Ps. 32:7)
I know the list could go on and on, but these are just a few. I know we serve a God who doesn't give up on us and doesn't make promises in order to break them. It should be our greatest comfort to know that God can't break a promise. So why does it seem like we forget these so easily and don't truly draw on the power of God in our lives? I don't know why...but I want to be reminded of these promises and that we serve a God who is faithful to those and who will never leave us or forsake us.
God Promises:
- His power is made perfect in our weaknesses (II Cor. 12:9)
- The testing of our faith produces perseverance. (James 1:3)
- We will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on us. (Acts 1:8)
- God will complete His work in us. (Phil. 1:6)
- The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds. (Phil. 4:7)
- He will comfort us. (II Cor. 1:3)
- He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. (Ps. 103:11)
- He can do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. (Eph. 3:20)
- If we seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, all these things will be given to us. (Math. 6:33)
- He will never leave us or forsake us. (Heb. 13:5)
- He will protect us from trouble and surround us with songs of deliverance. (Ps. 32:7)
I know the list could go on and on, but these are just a few. I know we serve a God who doesn't give up on us and doesn't make promises in order to break them. It should be our greatest comfort to know that God can't break a promise. So why does it seem like we forget these so easily and don't truly draw on the power of God in our lives? I don't know why...but I want to be reminded of these promises and that we serve a God who is faithful to those and who will never leave us or forsake us.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Random train of thought...but it's going somewhere.
So every night since I've been in 7th grade I have wished upon a star. The same three wishes every single night. Corny and dumb I know. But it all started when me and Emily Kopicko promised we would wish upon a star every night when we were apart in the summer. So one is slowly coming true and the other two are lacking, but anyway...it made me think how dumb it is to wish upon a star and that led me to thinking that even though its dumb my wishes are pretty legit. And why is it so easy to "wish upon a star" every night, but not pray about them every day?
Then this got me thinking about how big the sky is and even bigger God is. And then that made me think of the passage in Revelation that talks about the Throne in Heaven and it put into perspective who I pray to and how amazing our God is.
"...There before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightening, rumblings and peals of thunder...Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal...in the center, around the throne were four living creatures, and they were covered in eyes...Day and night they never stop saying. HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord God Almighty who was, and is, and is to come..."
Anyway...random I know, but honestly that's how my brain works pretty much all the time. And it usually leads to some somewhat good thoughts. We serve a huge God that in his presence all you can say is Holy, Holy, Holy...that is amazing to me.
Then this got me thinking about how big the sky is and even bigger God is. And then that made me think of the passage in Revelation that talks about the Throne in Heaven and it put into perspective who I pray to and how amazing our God is.
"...There before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne. Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightening, rumblings and peals of thunder...Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal...in the center, around the throne were four living creatures, and they were covered in eyes...Day and night they never stop saying. HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord God Almighty who was, and is, and is to come..."
Anyway...random I know, but honestly that's how my brain works pretty much all the time. And it usually leads to some somewhat good thoughts. We serve a huge God that in his presence all you can say is Holy, Holy, Holy...that is amazing to me.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
His Kingdom
It seems that when a lot of people think of God's Kingdom they think of heaven or when Jesus comes back and will bring his Kingdom to earth. (Thank you Left Behind series). And Christians today get so wrapped up in this idea and just believe the world is how it is, in all of its hellishness and/or heavenliness (are those even words?) and they're just anticipating Jesus' return while ignoring the problems and opportunities around them. What people miss is that they can be a part of this Kingdom coming. As Tony Campolo says, "When we talk about Jesus, we must make it clear that he is not just interested in our well-being in the afterlife. He is a Savior who is at work in the world today trying to save the world from what it is, and make it into a place where people can live together with dignity."
This song is great and I can't stop listening to it and explains what I'm trying to say...
Kingdom Coming
Words & Music by Shaun Groves
Oh, God what do we see and hear
Your kingdom coming
Oh, God why do we bleed and fear
Your kingdom coming
Let it come in us
Let it come through us-
‘Til the sword is spared
And the bread is shared
‘Til the dying’s done
Let your kingdom come
‘Til the rich ones give
And the poor ones live
‘Til the weak are strong
Let your kingdom come
Oh, God what do we pray down here
Your kingdom coming
Oh, God why do we slave through tears
Your kingdom coming
Let it come in us
Let it come through us-
Oh, God what do we pray down here
Your kingdom coming
Your mercy come
Your justice come
Your will be done through us on earth
Your healing come
Your peace will come
Your will be done through us on earth
(You can download this song for free on http://www.somethingbeautifulpodcast.com/misc/free-download-shaun-groves-kingdom-coming/)
"Your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven".
This song is great and I can't stop listening to it and explains what I'm trying to say...
Kingdom Coming
Words & Music by Shaun Groves
Oh, God what do we see and hear
Your kingdom coming
Oh, God why do we bleed and fear
Your kingdom coming
Let it come in us
Let it come through us-
‘Til the sword is spared
And the bread is shared
‘Til the dying’s done
Let your kingdom come
‘Til the rich ones give
And the poor ones live
‘Til the weak are strong
Let your kingdom come
Oh, God what do we pray down here
Your kingdom coming
Oh, God why do we slave through tears
Your kingdom coming
Let it come in us
Let it come through us-
Oh, God what do we pray down here
Your kingdom coming
Your mercy come
Your justice come
Your will be done through us on earth
Your healing come
Your peace will come
Your will be done through us on earth
(You can download this song for free on http://www.somethingbeautifulpodcast.com/misc/free-download-shaun-groves-kingdom-coming/)
"Your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven".
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Blah.
So it's been awhile since I've written. Honestly...lately I haven't really had anything to say. If you could describe things in one word it would be blah. I don't want to be an "emo" blogger as some would say. :) But really nothing too exciting has been happening and I just haven't been thinking or feeling much lately. I have either felt numb or overwhelmed. So...all of that to say some prayer would be appreciated. One thing I do know is that God is good and he continues to provide even though I don't always see it.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I know it's long...but please read it.
Tonight I was at Room In the Inn and I was able to sit down and talk with a man named Anthony. He has an incredible testimony. I was moved to tears multiple times and reminded constantly of God's grace and love for us. He said his prayer was that I would get something from his story and be able to share it with others. So here is Anthony's story...
He grew up in West Palm Beach with a nice family, mom and a dad, nice house and all that. He went to college and had a daughter while there. After that he went off the deep end. He said he grew to hate and despise his ex-girlfriend because she wouldn't let him see their daughter or bring her around his family. He got into drugs among other things. His bitterness and hate grew so much that he came up to Nashville, bought a gun, and planned to kill the mother of his daughter. Luckily, she wasn't home when he got to her house. He went back to the hotel and sat...high on crack he decided he didn't want to live anymore. He said he knew the devil had a hold of him and he didn't want to live anymore but he wanted to go to heaven. He held a bible in one hand and a gun in the other. As he pointed the gun to his head a feeling came over him and he couldn't do it. He cried out to God for the first time...and just fell asleep. The next morning after waking up he didn't know how he fell asleep especially while being so high. But he gave his life to Christ, threw his gun away, and felt God calling him back to Knoxville where he was wanted for burglary. To make the story a little shorter...he moved back and got arrested and spent months in jail, but while there started bible studies and multiple prayer groups. Eventually he was let out and came back to Nashville, got a job and started seeing his daughter.
Fast forward a couple years...he lost his job three weeks before last Christmas so that's why he is homeless. He has a great relationship with his daughter, Mayana who is 17, and he saves up enough money from odds and end jobs to get a hotel with her every other weekend so he can spend time with her. And he loves Jesus. His favorite thing to do is write sermons he says. He explained the one he is writing now to me. He talked about how it's hard loving the other homeless guys when they make fun of him or call him names, but he just kills them with kindness and they notice he's different.
I'll never forget what he told me..."I may not have a car, or house, or much money to my name but the joy and peace I have in my life is really what matters". He gets it. He has paid for his mistakes and had to suffer more than many of us ever will have to, but he is forgiven and his life shows that he gets it. He doesn't find fulfillment in what he has or doesn't have, but in the ways he obeys the Lord and is able to love others.
His parting words to me would be that he would pray for me as he went to sleep. That his story would somehow help in someway and it did. It showed me someone that truly understands what it means to be a follower of Christ, no matter what your past is.
That's why God gives us a story...so we can share it and as Anthony said...everything that happens, God gets the glory. It isn't about me or even the exact events that happen, but how through my story God gets the glory. Wise words from a homeless man I may never see again..."As long as God gets the glory through whatever happens, that is what matters."
He grew up in West Palm Beach with a nice family, mom and a dad, nice house and all that. He went to college and had a daughter while there. After that he went off the deep end. He said he grew to hate and despise his ex-girlfriend because she wouldn't let him see their daughter or bring her around his family. He got into drugs among other things. His bitterness and hate grew so much that he came up to Nashville, bought a gun, and planned to kill the mother of his daughter. Luckily, she wasn't home when he got to her house. He went back to the hotel and sat...high on crack he decided he didn't want to live anymore. He said he knew the devil had a hold of him and he didn't want to live anymore but he wanted to go to heaven. He held a bible in one hand and a gun in the other. As he pointed the gun to his head a feeling came over him and he couldn't do it. He cried out to God for the first time...and just fell asleep. The next morning after waking up he didn't know how he fell asleep especially while being so high. But he gave his life to Christ, threw his gun away, and felt God calling him back to Knoxville where he was wanted for burglary. To make the story a little shorter...he moved back and got arrested and spent months in jail, but while there started bible studies and multiple prayer groups. Eventually he was let out and came back to Nashville, got a job and started seeing his daughter.
Fast forward a couple years...he lost his job three weeks before last Christmas so that's why he is homeless. He has a great relationship with his daughter, Mayana who is 17, and he saves up enough money from odds and end jobs to get a hotel with her every other weekend so he can spend time with her. And he loves Jesus. His favorite thing to do is write sermons he says. He explained the one he is writing now to me. He talked about how it's hard loving the other homeless guys when they make fun of him or call him names, but he just kills them with kindness and they notice he's different.
I'll never forget what he told me..."I may not have a car, or house, or much money to my name but the joy and peace I have in my life is really what matters". He gets it. He has paid for his mistakes and had to suffer more than many of us ever will have to, but he is forgiven and his life shows that he gets it. He doesn't find fulfillment in what he has or doesn't have, but in the ways he obeys the Lord and is able to love others.
His parting words to me would be that he would pray for me as he went to sleep. That his story would somehow help in someway and it did. It showed me someone that truly understands what it means to be a follower of Christ, no matter what your past is.
That's why God gives us a story...so we can share it and as Anthony said...everything that happens, God gets the glory. It isn't about me or even the exact events that happen, but how through my story God gets the glory. Wise words from a homeless man I may never see again..."As long as God gets the glory through whatever happens, that is what matters."
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A new outlook
I feel like I have a new outlook on life and am renewed. I don't know why it took so long for me to see life this way or what even exactly brought it on, but whatever it was I'm so thankful. I feel like I've realized what I've been missing out on and God has finally gotten through to me. Sometimes I don't think I have the words to express the fullness of my mind and heart.
One thing I've learned through reading the book Crazy Love and just through God helping me is his great LOVE for us. I've always been a romantic and couldn't wait for that perfect relationship with that perfect guy...sometimes it claims my attention in a way that isn't really beneficial. At a worship night a couple weeks ago it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, hello! I love you! and it finally sunk in. Whether or not I find that "perfect relationship" I have a Savior who loves me with that love I've thought could come from a human relationship. It doesn't. Only Christ can love us unfailingly and unconditionally. He is perfect love. He is my love story that I've always wanted.
This love has spurred me into action. I feel so fulfilled and content and I want to continue in this love story every day and fall more and more in love with my Jesus. And I want other people to experience this love. I want to love people the way we're supposed to. I pray that God gives me his eyes to see people the way he does. In Crazy Love he talks about how our life would change if we actually treated each person we came into contact with as Christ. How would it?...it would pretty much turn it upside down. I have this deep love for Christ and if I were to treat each person with that love, my world would look so different. And that excites me. I want to love like Christ loves.
There's so much more than God is teaching me. I don't even know if I can put it all into words. I just know that God is good and my life is His. I'm open to what He has for me and I'm learning everyday what that look likes exactly. I have a deep joy and peace that I can't quite express. :)
One thing I've learned through reading the book Crazy Love and just through God helping me is his great LOVE for us. I've always been a romantic and couldn't wait for that perfect relationship with that perfect guy...sometimes it claims my attention in a way that isn't really beneficial. At a worship night a couple weeks ago it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, hello! I love you! and it finally sunk in. Whether or not I find that "perfect relationship" I have a Savior who loves me with that love I've thought could come from a human relationship. It doesn't. Only Christ can love us unfailingly and unconditionally. He is perfect love. He is my love story that I've always wanted.
This love has spurred me into action. I feel so fulfilled and content and I want to continue in this love story every day and fall more and more in love with my Jesus. And I want other people to experience this love. I want to love people the way we're supposed to. I pray that God gives me his eyes to see people the way he does. In Crazy Love he talks about how our life would change if we actually treated each person we came into contact with as Christ. How would it?...it would pretty much turn it upside down. I have this deep love for Christ and if I were to treat each person with that love, my world would look so different. And that excites me. I want to love like Christ loves.
There's so much more than God is teaching me. I don't even know if I can put it all into words. I just know that God is good and my life is His. I'm open to what He has for me and I'm learning everyday what that look likes exactly. I have a deep joy and peace that I can't quite express. :)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
My Prayer
Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love You and walk with You on my own. I can't do it, and I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want You. And when I don't, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.
I read this in Crazy Love, in the chapter about "When You're in Love". This is my prayer. Let's just add too that God has amazing timing with things. He meets you where you are and always reveals answers to you when you're willing to pay attention.
I read this in Crazy Love, in the chapter about "When You're in Love". This is my prayer. Let's just add too that God has amazing timing with things. He meets you where you are and always reveals answers to you when you're willing to pay attention.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I Wish to I Pray.
I wish I was more outgoing. I wish I was more articulate. I wish I was prettier. I wish I was smarter. I wish I was more confident. I wish I wasn't so hesitant sometimes. I wish I was different than I am.
The point of this isn't to have a self pity party or make it look like I have low self esteem, but to give credit to the reason that although I may wish all these things sometimes I know I don't need them. If you were to ask me a year ago what I would change about myself the list would be long and go on and on. Although this list does exist still to some extent I've realized it doesn't matter. I have truly realized that because I have Christ in my life and that he is the center of me, then nothing else matters. Yes. There's always room for change and improvement but too much of my life has been wasted wishing I was someone else. God made me who I am and we are his masterpieces and who am I to say that he made a mistake in how he made me. I mean I don't really want to insult the creator of the universe. :)
God is my identity and who defines me. My intelligence, personality and looks don't define me. It's so freeing knowing that God loves me. ME. Just the way I am. No matter how quiet I can be or how many times I stumble over my words or how many ugly days I have, He doesn't care. He can use me, even through my weaknesses which most of the time I see as flaws. It's a weight of my shoulder realizing I am who I am because God made me and he'll use me whether I think I have the right characteristics or not. So my wishes have changed into prayers that center around things that do matter...
I pray I'll be used in whatever way God intends. I pray I see people and love people the way Jesus does. I pray God breaks my heart for what breaks his. I pray that God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses. I pray God uses me to bring glory to HIM.
The point of this isn't to have a self pity party or make it look like I have low self esteem, but to give credit to the reason that although I may wish all these things sometimes I know I don't need them. If you were to ask me a year ago what I would change about myself the list would be long and go on and on. Although this list does exist still to some extent I've realized it doesn't matter. I have truly realized that because I have Christ in my life and that he is the center of me, then nothing else matters. Yes. There's always room for change and improvement but too much of my life has been wasted wishing I was someone else. God made me who I am and we are his masterpieces and who am I to say that he made a mistake in how he made me. I mean I don't really want to insult the creator of the universe. :)
God is my identity and who defines me. My intelligence, personality and looks don't define me. It's so freeing knowing that God loves me. ME. Just the way I am. No matter how quiet I can be or how many times I stumble over my words or how many ugly days I have, He doesn't care. He can use me, even through my weaknesses which most of the time I see as flaws. It's a weight of my shoulder realizing I am who I am because God made me and he'll use me whether I think I have the right characteristics or not. So my wishes have changed into prayers that center around things that do matter...
I pray I'll be used in whatever way God intends. I pray I see people and love people the way Jesus does. I pray God breaks my heart for what breaks his. I pray that God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses. I pray God uses me to bring glory to HIM.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Having the wrong mind set.
I'm reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Which everyone needs to read. It is simple but what he says is something everyone needs to hear and really challenges you and your way of thinking.
He talks about in one chapter left overs and how we don't put importance on the things that matter. We get so caught up in worldly issues and worldly "stuff" we lose sight and don't even know what we really should consider important when we claim we follow Christ with our whole heart. There is one quote about failure that really hit me hard. If you were to ask me one of the biggest fears of my life I would probably say failing and now being good enough. I don't really know how that developed in my life or why I'm that way, but I always have been. I just have always wanted to be good at everything I do and don't want to do something if I can't be good at it. Obviously...this isn't the way God intended us to live. God says, "His power is made perfect in our weaknesses". So my prayer for the last year or so is that I would remember this truth and not be afraid about "not being good enough", it isn't the right mind set.
But the quote in this book I think applies to so many people and especially me,
"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."
When I read this it kinda rocked my world. I thought of all the wasted time and energy I've spent on my fear of failure and wanting to be good at all this stuff. What if instead of those fears and worries I would have been thinking about succeeding at what God has called me to and furthering his kingdom. I look at my life and see that I have succeeded at many things that don't matter.
Not gonna lie...one of my first thoughts when I read this was man...i'm a failure at following Christ. I guess old habits are hard to break. But my prayer is that I would lose sight of my fear of failure and being good enough and only think about the things that matter in this world and being Christ to those around me. My fear should be that I'll be succeeding at things that don't really matter and have no impact on God's Kingdom.
He talks about in one chapter left overs and how we don't put importance on the things that matter. We get so caught up in worldly issues and worldly "stuff" we lose sight and don't even know what we really should consider important when we claim we follow Christ with our whole heart. There is one quote about failure that really hit me hard. If you were to ask me one of the biggest fears of my life I would probably say failing and now being good enough. I don't really know how that developed in my life or why I'm that way, but I always have been. I just have always wanted to be good at everything I do and don't want to do something if I can't be good at it. Obviously...this isn't the way God intended us to live. God says, "His power is made perfect in our weaknesses". So my prayer for the last year or so is that I would remember this truth and not be afraid about "not being good enough", it isn't the right mind set.
But the quote in this book I think applies to so many people and especially me,
"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."
When I read this it kinda rocked my world. I thought of all the wasted time and energy I've spent on my fear of failure and wanting to be good at all this stuff. What if instead of those fears and worries I would have been thinking about succeeding at what God has called me to and furthering his kingdom. I look at my life and see that I have succeeded at many things that don't matter.
Not gonna lie...one of my first thoughts when I read this was man...i'm a failure at following Christ. I guess old habits are hard to break. But my prayer is that I would lose sight of my fear of failure and being good enough and only think about the things that matter in this world and being Christ to those around me. My fear should be that I'll be succeeding at things that don't really matter and have no impact on God's Kingdom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)