I leave tomorrow!

Hi everyone! I'm sitting in El Paso, TX right now not believing that I'm about to leave for Zambia tomorrow! We received our itinerary today and it's going to be a super long time for traveling so your prayers would be appreciated! It looks like we'll fly to Houston, then London, then Johansburg South Africa and then Zambia. We'll get there on Tuesday afternoon. I think it's about 25 hours on the actual planes with some three and six hour lay overs! We also learned exactly what we will be doing. We'll be in orphanages, child development centers, care for dying patients, working with church youth groups, and AIDS education.
Another thing I can for sure update you guys on besides my travel plans is the fact that God is good and has already started working on my heart. He has already taught me so much in this last week. The last week has consisted of a training camp in New Mexico with team building and bonding. He has stretched me and reminded me of his love over and over again. The email would have to be ten pages long to get across everything that I've been learning. And for those of you that were wondering...the team building was great and I actually enjoyed it a lot! :) (I told you God was good!)
I have been reading scripture more this last week then I have in the past and I can't believe what I've been missing out on! I have been trying to find God's promises so I could write them down and be reminded of them daily while in Zambia. The two biggest things were the fact that God never leaves us and that he will be our comfort. There is so much more but I know those especially will be constant reminders.
The people I've met here have been incredible and it's so wonderful to be united in community with people that share the same passion and just want to love those we're going to serve just like Jesus! I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and if you could continue to join with me in prayer. My heart is overflowing with thanksgiving to God who even in my fear and anxiety could teach me and stretch me in ways I never would have imagined! My teammates Julia, Deanna and Josh are incredible and we're already like a family only after five days of being together. They all have a heart for the Lord and it is evident. Well I'm off on this incredible journey starting tomorrow. I can't wait! I don't know when I'll be able to update but hopefully at least a couple times. Prayers are appreciated! My prayer is that I'll continue to be stretched out of my comfort zone and that we can be used to reach those in Zambia so that God's kingdom advances!

It's okay to have weaknesses?

This is a question that a lot of the time I would say no. I hate to admit it and I'm just starting to actually embrace and realize that I tend to be an over-achiever or perfectionist. I don't know if that's exactly the word you would use to describe me but basically I like to be good at everything I do and I know the potential that I can achieve and anything less than that is not okay so I try really hard. And I'm not okay if I'm just average. I know this is not the right way to think and to be honest I wish this wasn't my mind set, but what can I say...I am a work in progress and God keeps revealig these things to me that are shaping me and stretching me into the person he created me to be.

So my whole life I hated having weaknesses. I would rather ignore the fact and not participate in something if I wasn't good at it, if I couldn't be great at it, why do it?...(please bear with me I'm trying this new vulnerability thing too...which I'm not very good at...) This belief has been changing in me and it hasn't come with it's uncomfortable moments and unwanted incidents, but it's all good for me and I'm starting to realize that it's okay we have weaknesses. Everyone has them and even though everyone's is different and our struggles are different God made us all the way we are, weaknesses and all so how can I ignore that?

Well, I've been trying to prepare some devotionals/testimony for Africa and I was thinking about the power of Christ and trying to focus on that since I know that's what I'll need to get through this summer! I stumbled on a verse I've known well my whole life but it all of a sudden hit me and I "got it". (So much so I am writing a blog at 1 in the morning) :) Anyway here it is:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me...I delight in weakness". 2 Cor. 12:9-10.

Whoa...boast in my weakness? I delight in weakness? I have heard the first part of that passage many times, however, it has never hit home for me, especially vs. 10. I think with this trip coming up I have often been dwelling on all that I can't do and wishing I was better at all these things and God knew exactly what I needed to hear.
It's okay that I'm not good at everything and that there just some areas of life where I'm weak. God made me this way. I have these weaknesses because his power is made PERFECT in those. In my head I would never say my weaknesses accomplish anything...so thank you Jesus that He is perfect and that His grace is sufficient. It almost makes me rest at ease and feel a burden lifted knowing that I don't have to hate that I'm bad at something or dwell on where I'm the weakest. Instead I should delight in these areas of life because God will use me through my weaknesses. I love my God and the fact that he's so patient with us. Thank the Lord that his power can be made perfect in the places in my life that I think are the least bit useful!

Whoa...

That is the word that goes through my mind when I think about leaving for Africa. It's only one week away and I can't believe it! I have been excited when thinking about my trip but as it comes closer I start to get really nervous! I think it's just the reality of it setting in and the fact that I'm a little overwhelmed by all I still have to do and all the money I need to get in! But then when I start to freak out in my usual way I feel a peace come over me. I'm trying this new thing called trusting in my Savior. Who would have thought?
My whole life I've been a worry wort and I always freak out about things. I always know that I need to trust and God says not to worry but its easy to know that in your head but not to convince the rest of you! But I've been getting better these last few weeks and it just all of a sudden hit me I feel like. I don't know why it took this long but I've just come to the realization that the creator of the Universe and Savior of the world cares about me and loves me so who am I to worry about anything? He tells me not to worry and if he's always with me why should I worry?
So this is my new mindset and hopefully one that'll stay with me especially on this trip to Africa. But I truly feel like not much can go wrong because God is there. Yeah things that I think are wrong and shouldn't be happening might happen, but thats okay because my God is bigger than all of those possible situations.
As much as this is something that is becoming more real to me I still need prayer becaue the Lord knows I so easily worry about everything and everyone...but I'm a work in progress and that's all I can do! :)

Called to a purpose...

This is my second post in one day...its a record! Today I only had two of my classes and have been kinda taking a break from homework (which is a good and a bad thing) but I've been able to spend some extended time in the Word, reading, and in prayer. I also went to Baby Girl's Club which is always one of the brighter spots of my week! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life and what God has called me to be.

I know the high standard that I have been called and I feel the call to do something that only God can fulfill. And as much as I know this I'm trying so hard to figure out what that exactly means. This brings a lot confusion and worry. I have been struggling a lot lately with being in college. I know a lot of people say this, but I truly hate school and I really have hated it my whole life. I hate going to classes and I hate doing homework. I like learning new things and gaining knowledge but I feel like I'm wasting my time and money here at school and if I could drop out and do something I love the rest of my life and having enough to live on I would be content. I just wish I could volunteer and be in ministry to others. I don't want a degree and have to endure the next two years of studies...Why can't I just volunteer the rest of my life?

My brother told me the quote, "Find the place where your greatest passions meet the world's deepest needs." (I think that's right). That's where I want to be. And right now I guess I need to be in school and continue to build up debt and all those nice things, but I'm only hoping it leads to something that I will love and be passionate about while meeting the needs of the world and fulfilling my desire to be a light unto the world and that I can be "Jesus with skin on" to those around me.

Going to AFrica this summer is something I'm so excited about being I feel like it is a part of fulfilling my purpose. And I can't wait to see what God has in store and I'll continue praying for patience with school and praying for guidance so that I can know that purpose that only God can fulfill!

His Blessings are new every morning

I was reading today in a book called, Life Together. It came highly recommended from my brother and I've only really been reading it in spurts through out this whole year, but it is really good and contains a whole lot of wisdom. The author was talking about how in the Bible there is a lot of emphasis on the morning and how people in scripture praised God and prayed in the morning. He gave many scripture references which was interesting because I never realized it was such a prominent theme.
One thing he said really stuck out to me and made me realize that I don't approach my days in the right manor or attitude for a child of God and follower of Christ. This is what it said,

"For Christians the beginning of the day should not be burdened and oppressed with besetting concerns for the days work. At the threshold of the new day stands the Lord who made it."

This greatly convicted me. I have not been having an attitude that reflects Christ and most mornings I wake up dreading the day ahead and counting down the days until I'm done with school. I am so ready to be done with school and leave for home, but that doesn't mean I need to discount each day and forget that the Creator of the universe made it. I need to stop only looking forward to what is ahead and accomplish my purpose each and every day. Some days I'm not exactly sure what that purpose is, but even if its just sharing love and a smile with someone...that should make my day worth it. So I'm working on it and praying that God gives me patience to finish out the year and a new perspective each morning. :)

My story?

This may seem random, but I think I'll be able to tie it all together...maybe. :) Today has been a rough day. When I reflect on it now I know that the things I worried about and cried about may seem petty and I hate that they get to me, but it does and if I could change it and make me different I would in a heart beat! Anyway... school is rough. I just hate my classes and its hard to be motivated to study and do homework when you don't enjoy any of your classes and you have teachers that aren't competent and can't teach (this topic alone I could talk about forever, so I won't go there.) And tonight we had a Youth In Mission meeting and I was so discouraged after hearing how good everyone's fundraising is going when mine sucks. I don't doubt that God can and will provide its just so discouraging and hard when everyone else is doing so well.
Well in this meeting too we had to share our testimony with each other. When I heard this I didn't know what to say. I have gone on a couple mission trips and have had to prepare my testimony so many times whether it was for these trips or youth group or whatever, and its always ends up being different.
I got to thinking after, What is my story? Personally, I feel like my life has been pretty uneventful and boring, but I do have a story and I'm just trying to put it into words that can influence and impact those that hear. Since I became a christian when I was real young I feel like my testimony should focus more on what I've been learning and what He is teaching me right now. Well that ends up being a whole lot of stuff and it's kinda hard to narrow down. So right now I'm in a quandary over whether to write a "testimony" right now and just read that whenever I need to in Africa or just reflect on all that God is teaching me then and speaking about that...And then I got to thinking about what a testimony really is and if there's even a specific what you should say and what you shouldn't. I know this is random and probably isn't as hard as I'm making it, but I really don't know what to say in my testimony that I have to have prepared whenever I'm asked in Africa. So I guess I'll be contemplating this until I leave in May. I hear they may ask me to preach a sermon randomly too while I'm over there so thats a whole other story and experience...we'll just worry about that if it comes!

I guess the way this can tie in is I know a part of my story is how I need to try and stop worrying about things and leaving it in God's hands and have him take these burdens from me. Which is part of the reason it's been such a rough day. And if anyone even reads this your prayer would be appreciate about my trip this summer and raising funds and for me to just make it through the rest of the semester! It's much appreciated! :)

Despair in my soul...

I feel like so many bad things are happening. With all the shootings going on around the world, people I know that are sick, or have passed away and the constant issues of how our world sucks sometimes and I just want to make it better. It just all weighs down on me a whole lot and lately I feel like I've been hearing a lot of bad news and I just can't get over all this "bad stuff" that is happening. I mean I hear about another school shooting, my dad's friend from school passing away, my friend's dad is in the hospital and the list could go on...I don't want to be "Debbie Downer" or depressing but all this has been weighing on me and I feel like every second I just can't help but think about everyone that needs prayer and praying for them. Well...I was reading My Utmost for his Highest today during my devos and something that was said really hit the nail on the head with this subject.

"If a burden and its resulting pressure come upon us while we are not in an attitude of worship, it will only produce a hardness toward God and despair in our own souls."

My attitude hasn't been right the last week or so. I have become so burdened and overwhelmed by these things and I need to stop worrying about them. It is bringing despair to my soul and I wouldn't say a hardness toward God, but I can see how it would become that way. I just wish I could fix everyones problems and I hate knowing people are sad and I want to do something for it. So...I'm working on trust and interceding on the behalf of these people through prayer and doing what I can, which in most cases is prayer. And I've realized that I need to leave it at that. I can only do so much and I need to trust that God is in control and will take care of everyone because He loves them so much more than I do.